thoughts
I keep writing 'pre' journals with ideas put there that I am not really
sure of what I am trying to say yet. I was feeling really dark just a short while
ago and I know I've got to keep myself upbeat and also in touch with a sense of humor.
I talked with my therapist today - and she's so great.
I've found myself recently not seeing her as an idealized perfect professional - but
someone who is making a living at psychotherapy. She's really smart and downright brilliant
at what she does but it is also good to be careful with her as she is a person just like me - in the working
world - and that she shouldn't be taken for granted or disrespected and I need to be careful
about the boundary between us.
Anyways, it was a good session...I started to feel darkness because I started to look at my future.
Maybe there is something else I could do? I definitely love helping people and I also must admit
that after 10 years of working with the market - it's become a highly routine, comfortable and
fun team and individual effort.
I guess trying to look ahead into the unknown might set a lot of us into a darkness but
perhaps I should start writing down types of things I want in my life - things that I can live
with - and then start to suss out how I can get them.
Sending peace and big hugs for the weekend! East Coasters...keep safe in this big storm!!
Replies
I’m glad you have a good therapist. It sounds really helpful for you. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a hamster wheel of work work working hard then venting in therapy until it’s time to move to a better horizons. And each stint feels like an era. Maybe you’ve had different eras, too and there will be different ones down the road, but this is the era you are in now. Each era is valuable and full of lessons that will guide you through the next one. I dunno, just something I’ve kept in my own mind through periods of struggle. And I have experienced many of those.
Goals are good. Start small, then work your way up. If you try to start chipping away at a top goal the disappointment is too defeating, because it’s all a pragmatic climb. And sometimes its just good to stay on a plateau of balance and peace and contentment even if that’s not what you set out for in the beginning.
Hope you enjoyed my hippie dippie Ted talk. xo
the past is gone
the future is unknowable
now is all we really have
seize the moment
thanks so much Nikki and Arfie! I really agree with you Nikki about enjoying a plateau I am enjoying
the present... I know change is inevitable - (life seems to be about 'exploding boxes': coming to an understanding
and then change!)
and Arfie I am enjoying the present (!!) in this plateau as well! So I agree it's important to seize this moment
of enjoyment and keep on keeping on.
Thanks!!
I think the different 'eras' idea is maybe like the concept which I mentioned before (and so I understand it in my own
experience) where as I said to myself on a journal "this is the page I am on right now and not the whole book of my life!" :)