thoughts...

I'm always up past midnight, past 2 am. I get lost in thought, what am I doing? Am I okay? I feel like my depression and anxiety are getting better but then I think, are they really? or am I just seeing what I want to see? Did I ever actually have depression and anxiety, or was it really something I made up in my head like my sister and my friends always thought. I was diagnosed, but then again I was 14. My dad was on drugs and drinking and cheating, my mom was practically dying in front of me, my sister went wild and never came home, and me, I was laying in bed wishing I was somewhere else. I had one friend, I was cutting and sleeping all day. Even now I havent hurt myself in a while but now I've found myself staying up till 7am, hardly eating, cutting off friends and my boyfriend. I have a job now but every time I go i shake and I feel dizzy. I get dizzy so often lately. Headaches everyday, pain pills, pain pills, and more pain pills. I don't want to work, I don't want to leave my room, I dont want to talk to anyone. I get angry so easy these days. At my mom, my sister, my dad pisses me off no matter what. I still want to cut, take all the anger out on someone. The main person who deserves it. Me. There's probably nothing wrong with me, just making it up. Wanting attention like everyone assumes.