Thought I was healing - big surprise!

Thought I was on the upward slope of healing.  Big Surprise today that I am not.  I am in so much pain but it is not all about Smokey just my entire life without him.  It is so not fair how losing Smokey changed my life 100%.  It just is not fair.  It changed my life with the loss of Smokey so very much.  I hate it.  I hate the idea of Smokey not being here with me to cuddle at night.  I hate the idea of Smokey not being able to kiss me hello when he came home from work.  I hate the idea of Smokey not here watching TV with me and laughing at the stupid things that we see.  I hate the idea of Smokey not being here to tell me if he liked the dinner I made or not or what I could do to improve it.  I just hate the idea of Smokey not being here with me to enjoy life together.  It is not fair.  My life has changed so very much without my Smokey.  I still have not found the elusive part-time job.  I have no Smokey to vent out my frustrations with and we shared our frustrations with one another.  I come home to an empty apartment and it always makes me sad.  I can go out and have fun with my friends and family but still come home to an apartment without my Smokey in it.  I can flirt with other guys but still come home to an apartment without my Smokey.  Who said life was fair?  They were wrong.  There are plenty of fish in the sea but not my Smokey anymore.  He has fled the scene.  I released Smokey's ashes.  He is gone gone gone to my sorrow.

Replies

Patswife
Patswife

I hear ya kiddo, I had a major meltdown this morning.I had fully intended to toss Pat\'s undies as no one would wear used ones, I got the bag out, and that is it. I have all his clothes just as they were. I did move his shoes to his den/office and I apologized to him as I did it, but I also said that I knew it was ok to do that. No one can imagine the physical pain of losing a partner. It is a real hurt isn\'t it? I was at the River Rock this afternoon with my Dad! Hugs, Wendy PS I am clearnig off the dining room table, still so much paperwork to go thru.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn

Oh Diane I\'m so sorry and I do understand. I also spent my time feeling I was making progress only to fall back into that dark pit. I always felt like I was walking through a dark tunnel and kept tripping. I was so scared and so sure that the only peace I would ever have would be meeting Don in heaven with our Lord. What you are feeling are normal. I know that doesn\'t help you at all, but it\'s true. You are strong and you will survive. I\'ll hold your hand and we\'ll walk together. Sharon
deleted_user
deleted_user

They say time heals all wounds but I do not beleive that... But I do know it helps a little.....Hang in there. Try and stay busy. Remember he can see you and he would not want you to be miserable.... Hang tight to your memories and try and smile, he would want you to...Blessings, Pam
Cymiga
Cymiga

Sorry to hear you are hacing such a rough day. I guess everyone is right when they say there will be many ups and downs. I was in a major car accident yesterday and my first thought was that I needed to call my mom..somewhere in the moment of it all I had somehow allowed myself to forget she was gone...it was like getting hit by a car all over again whn reality hit.