This Week
Things are beginning to get get back to normal. I seem to be like everyone else the days leading up to Khristy's angel date is most anxious for me when the actual date comes it doesn't seem bad because I have had all the thoughts of the way she died, and questions around in my head for two weeks before. Then when the actual date comes seems like my mind tells me everything is sorted. I am not as angry anymore, I haven't cried but I know that is coming. As a nurse I have learned to hold back the tears and it seems that I have taught myself in personal life as well as professional. Then one day out of nowhere they come. I can remember taking care of my ill father until he died I was in nurse mode until he died then I broke down. Strange how a profession can do that to you. I have seen so much dying since I have been a nurse and I believe that is my way of coping. I call it my nurse mode. So business as usual this week, going to run errands. The weather is warming up and it seems to make ppl happier as you go about, even have seen the sun for a couple of days. Raining today......Well you can't have sunshine everyday. (just as I typed that the sun came out) Really it did!!!!! I am going to chose the remember the happy times, I don't want to go into the dark place anymore. I am looking foward to my vacation in September and seeing my family and friends. My mom just turned 80 this year. I did call her on her birthday usually I send her a card and gift but trying to save money, going to get everyone a gift from here to bring with me when I visit. That will be fun making a list and seeing what I can buy them. Everybody have a haapy week. I will try to catch up on journal reading and hugs this week.
Replies
You sound better! I am so glad that you are dealing as well as you are. I know you do not want to go back to the dark place any more. I don\'t blame you. It is a really crappy place to go.Prayers and love Peggy
Cindy,
I have little meltdowns all day long, mostly at home though. I have a picture of my boys within eyeshot and when I glance over there it almost always makes me cry. I still have the occasional big one but now a days they are more manageable.
I am glad you got through the angel date . I am so glad that you are coming to the states to see your family. Did you end up with a good deal? Hugs,Inga
You sound like you are beginning to find the sunshine in your world in more ways than one. I find the days leading up to are always worse than the actual day. Not sure why? So I just deal with it as it comes. I think we all have meltdowns and there is a reason, we still have a lot of pain to bear. Hope things keep going well for you. Love and hugs Cathy