This time hurts so much

I remember telling you Vic, "If you ever go before me, you better come and get me"....... well I am ready! Please come and get me. This is too hard & this life without you sucks. Every day, every hour, every minute... my thoughts are filled with you. I always think.. well 7 mos. ago you were alive, my thoughts are always like... what were we doing back then and so on and so on. No one ever warned me about this horrendous heartache... maybe that should be included when you get your marriage license. No, its only in the ceremony that they mention death.... "til death do us part"  they neglect to tell you that if you truly love each other and spend 36 yrs married that when death comes it is totally devastating.  Sorry for rambling, but I am feeling sad, scared & angry at the same time. I just dread the actual Christmas without my best friend, my husband, my Vic.