This time DH saw me!

I usually will have a break down about once a week.  The usual uncontrollable crying anxiety attack.  Most of the time it happens in the shower or while I'm getting myself cleaned up or occasionally right after I go to bed.  As to say, behind closed doors where nobody can see me because when others see this, their knee jerk reaction is to call  911.  People who have experienced anxiety attacks understand, they can be very scary but will always pass in time. 
This time I broke down in front of my husband as he is getting ready for a WELL deserved golf outing.  I couldn't control myself.  The pain has just been too great.  I've also been experiencing that feeling of my immune system being attacked.  I get it about once every 6 months or so.  I basically feel alot of pain where the lymph nodes are located and flu-like body aches.  And I've recently started Femara which doesn't help with the whole crying episodes.   As I'm helping DH getting his things together, I just start bawling.  And he has been soooo supportive and been dealing alot with me.  He soooo deserves to have a day/night out without having to worry about me.  He's just about ready to go and there I am, crying and trying to hold it together but FAILING miserably!  He of course hugs and holds me wondering what the hell is wrong as it seemed to come out of NO WHERE!  I try to explain through the tears that this is normal but he isn't believing me because he doesn't know I do this often but just in private so he doesn't worry.  He informs he is canceling his golf outing!!!  I tell him NO!!!  He NEEDS to do this!!  He deserves this!!  He says he feels guilty because he has the ability to go out and have fun and I can't most of the time.    I gained my composure a little and talked him into going, that if he didn't, it would make me feel worse, and that these "episodes" occur alot and he just happen to be around me this time.  I convince him it's no big deal and that it helps relieve some stress.  BUT, this time seemed different and I can't really put my finger on it.  Perhaps things are building up again.
Well, maybe we can talk about it later.  He asked if I would like to go out for a couple of drinks. ( of course I will only have "near beers" due to the endo and the pain meds )  We have fun together and will be looking forward to it!

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deleted_user

I can totally relate to the anxiety symptoms. And unfortunately for me, my bf is usually around when these episodes happen. Then he gets worried about me and cancels his plans as well and that does make me feel bad as well....He needs to get outta the house too! and do something fun! especially now that Jonah is home for the summer. He lets me go out to relieve stress, but I try to convince him that he should go out too. Anyway, I empathize with you. Try and stay strong sugar :)