This sucks

I cant catch myself in a bipolar episode I cant catch myself in a bipolar episode yesterday it was horrible i broke a tv i had only had it for a month I cant take this no more I want a life not this.....   I want to catch myself in a bipolar episode It be better for myself.  back to yesterday I was like a tornado.  It was embarrassing  When I saw my room after i calmed down which took four fricken hours it was torn apart stuff everywhere ughhhhh am i gonna have to live with this for the rest of my life.  The screaming literally killed my throat.  Im afraid to date Im afraid to find a man.