this mood is never going to disappear...
i was told the other day that reflections is to do a follow up call at 30 days, 60 days, 6 months and 1 year post discharge. your therapist (SW) is supposed to do the call. I found this out from someone that was at reflections with me. i then asked two other people and they said they both received calls. that makes 3 people. today was day 58 (yes i had to count) and i have not received one. i feel very hurt, left out, alone, not cared about, etc. it hurts me so much.
i had a miserable session with joanna. i cried the whole time- well most of the time i was trying to not let myself cry. i feel like i am trapped. like i am being held attached to the devil and i cant let go. i cant get free.
i am just plain miserable. i am sutck and miserable. my life sucks. i want to quit. i feel like nothing works out. i have so many voices in my head that i can't control. i have to runaway and disappear. i can't take these feeligns anymore.
i feel like i have lost myself and don't know who i am anymroe. i dont' feel as though i have been able to work hard (or at all) on things in therapy. its like my brain has turned into muck. i am not thinking like i usually do. my brain is empty. or filled with nonsense things that don't matter. i feel like i have gone from being intellectual and smart to being at a 3rd grade level. i want to work on things but i dont even know what to say and it is so frustrating for me. or i have things but i cant forumlate them into words. i feel so dumb and stupid. all that comes to mind are things that have made me upset or are currently making me upset and misterable. i have gotten myself out of these ruts before but right now i feel completely hopeless and useless. i cant even focus enough to get my mind set to remember how i have gotten out of it in the past. i feel like this is it and ih ave usedu p all of my get out of jail free cards.
i hate this cold weather.
i hate it getting dark earlier.
i hate fucking thanksgiving. i want to work but work is closed. i dont want to go to his mother's house. joanna is on vacation. everyone is out of town. fuck my life. i actually wish i were in the hospital on this holiday like last year. fuck it all.
i am just in way over my head and cant take anything anymore. i dont give a flying shit about anything. FUCK LIFE AND EVERYTHIGN
i had a miserable session with joanna. i cried the whole time- well most of the time i was trying to not let myself cry. i feel like i am trapped. like i am being held attached to the devil and i cant let go. i cant get free.
i am just plain miserable. i am sutck and miserable. my life sucks. i want to quit. i feel like nothing works out. i have so many voices in my head that i can't control. i have to runaway and disappear. i can't take these feeligns anymore.
i feel like i have lost myself and don't know who i am anymroe. i dont' feel as though i have been able to work hard (or at all) on things in therapy. its like my brain has turned into muck. i am not thinking like i usually do. my brain is empty. or filled with nonsense things that don't matter. i feel like i have gone from being intellectual and smart to being at a 3rd grade level. i want to work on things but i dont even know what to say and it is so frustrating for me. or i have things but i cant forumlate them into words. i feel so dumb and stupid. all that comes to mind are things that have made me upset or are currently making me upset and misterable. i have gotten myself out of these ruts before but right now i feel completely hopeless and useless. i cant even focus enough to get my mind set to remember how i have gotten out of it in the past. i feel like this is it and ih ave usedu p all of my get out of jail free cards.
i hate this cold weather.
i hate it getting dark earlier.
i hate fucking thanksgiving. i want to work but work is closed. i dont want to go to his mother's house. joanna is on vacation. everyone is out of town. fuck my life. i actually wish i were in the hospital on this holiday like last year. fuck it all.
i am just in way over my head and cant take anything anymore. i dont give a flying shit about anything. FUCK LIFE AND EVERYTHIGN
Replies
oh and i look like a fucking whale
I would be very hurt too. It\'s always hard to find out that some people are just doing their jobs but lack in the caring department.
You know it doesn\'t surprise me that you feel like you do. You\'ve been working for 34 days like crazy and while being busy can be helpful it can also push away every unpleasant thing that needs to be addressed. I hope your work load goes down some because you come first right now, remember.
Take a breather. I don\'t think you would prefer to be IP on Thanksgiving. While being at Carlos\' mom might not be the most fun at least you have control over what you eat and when you leave.
No comment on the whale thing.
Oh and I failed to mention that one of the girls I asked had the same therapist there as me. Just hurts more.
They eat the whole fucking day there. All day until they burst. And I am stuck there all day. Can I come to co for yhr day
sure