this may be superficial but it's my journal
my brother is staying with me and he always powers me
down - tells me what to do - etc... I tried to joke about it
with him - but after a while darkness and damage set in.
He's really critical of my housekeeping. I keep an orderly house
but I haven't cleaned the dustbunnies so well -
and the rugs have cat vomit stain - and he's really indignant
about this. I shouldn't be living this way he says.
I'm just tired, but I'll get it done.
peace you guys.
I can't wait to talk to my therapist again.
9 days and counting because of the holiday.
Replies
it's as superficial as taking ownership of your own journal, markus. i've been known to indulge in detailed, technicolor fantasies of cutting the tongues out of people who criticize my housekeeping and/or lifestyle. girl howdy, my journal gets colorful on those days. i worry that i just might act on those fantasies if i don't vent them somewhere. CHANNELING TIME! ! !
still. . . it seems i don't get to have love without accepting a few homicide worthy ticks.
sigh. . . why can't i find anybody as perfect as me?
congrats on taking ownership of **your** journal, grasshopper. set yourself free. . .
for what it's worth
i show houseguests who criticize my housekeeping where to find the cleaning supplies. have at, my bothered brother.
thanks arfie!
Hugs, Mark. This isn't superficial at all, and your feelings are valid. When you speak with your therapist, perhaps ask him/her about boundaries. I wonder if you might need to set some between you and your brother. As long as you joke around about how he's treating you, he will continue to do what he has always done. There are many books out there about setting boundaries -- my therapist just recommended one called "The Book of Boundaries," by Melissa Urban. She actually gives examples of things you can say to family, friends, and others, that set boundaries without being mean.
Your brother sounds like my sister, except that she mocks my tidiness and criticizes me because my house is too clean. (In truth, if you look underneath the sofa, you might find some dust bunnies have taken up residence there.) My therapist believes my sister is jealous, because her house is the exact opposite. Regardless of the reason, I'm (slowly) learning that I don't have to subject myself to her verbal assaults. You don't have to subject yourself to your brother's judgment and criticism either.
it is what it is. the intensity of the critique it slowed down after I just stopped giving it energy.
siblings ribbing each other is nothing new = I may not like it but it's about accepting the kind
of relationship he likes - just after a while sometimes it just
ripps my insides out. I have the kinds of relationships in my life that I like,
So I look forward to having more of them. I also read this post on Facebook
that said "Letting go is not stopping caring - it is about not controlling other people to
care" -
I think there's a serious hierarchy thing that goes on. I am the youngest and I can sense
his insecurity when the relationship isn't about athletic banter or seizing the alpha position.
Again I just look forward to getting back to the relationships that I like and I thrive in.
Unfortunately - I don't get to talk to my therapist again until after her vacation - a week
from Tuesday. She said I could email. I suppose I'll do that.
At times it is about accepting it with a sense of humor - Deliberately affirming
myself is something i need to keep at. It's only a little while.
xoxox
it's weird but I think I get why I so detached from relationships -my therapist talked about how we all have 'connections' (she used another word which i can't remember.)But after a while these relationships rip your insides out and it's like'duck for cover.' - escape - and it's like I care but I feel numb and not grounded....
Its after 1am here and I’m unwinding after several parties all day and catching up on journals! I have very complex relationships with siblings and certain things about their personalities that irk me, and I irk them. I thing this is more profound when we are in an enclosed space together….like on a vacation. I think it’s healthy to keep a sort of funnel for these things so we don’t absorb criticisms etc. Wishing you Merry Christmas from afar!
Oh Mark if you could only see my house! From the pics you've posted you have a lovely apartment! Your dear brother can be shown to the door OR you could put a smile on your face and say that Blue Likes Chasing The Dust Bunnies! Like someone said above, show him the cleaning tools. A great way to get out kitty stains from getting sick is to sprinkle some baking 'soda' and then put some white vinegar, let sit for a bit and then scrub up....that combo gets most stains out :) Merry Christmas <3
Thanks Nikki! Thanks Mary Louise!! Merry Christmas!!
Im sorry your brother is so critical of you. I think you are doing great.
thanks becky!!!