This is very hard time of the year.

Since I've moved back to this state, I've noticed everyone smokes and drinks.  I can't even begin to be on their same level.  My sister just was diagnosed with liver disease (cirrhosis).  She will find out how far along she is in the disease at her next doctors appointment.  So I sent her an article about how "smoking" makes liver disease progress faster.  She just says "Hey, I just bought a carton, and I'm not going to waste the money by throwing it out".  Ok, let's weigh the facts  YOUR LIFE OR A FUCKING CARTON OF CIGARETTES?"   Hmmmmmmm that's a tough one.  So with all of this stress I've wanted a cigarette more than ever.  I keep doing that "bargaining thing" where I keep trying to find a reason to smoke.  Plus I haven't gone through all of my seasons yet without a smoke.  I quit in February, so I have to make it until then.  Which means all the stress of the holidays, kids, being stuck inside, jobless, dying sister, blah blah blah..