this is the song that does not end...

Know that one?
 
'This is the song that does not end,
yes it goes on and on my friend. 
Some people started singing it 
Not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue singing it
forever just because...'  
(repeat a million times, in the car, with mom or dad at the wheel, giggling and poking each other... )
I feel like grief is the song that does not end, and I can read your journals, you who are 3 and 5 years further down the path, and see that you are still singing the song that does not end. It sounds a lot better, mostly. You've gotten the tune down, lol.
But the other thing that occurred to me, talking with my cousin Ellie whose sister Lisa died a few years ago of a sudden heart attack, is that just like the song, the relationship is NOT OVER! I have been saying LOVE is forever, and believing it with all my heart, but <light breaks over Rocky Head> I suddenly put 2+2 together and went OH! The WORK and the LOVE and the DISCOURSE and the FEELINGS (good+bad) are all going to go on and on and on... and we'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that does not end......................................
I need to talk with Byron about this. He had a very complicated relationship with his older brother Andy. They became close friends but Byron, the "Responsible One", always disliked being Andy's steward and guardian and defender. For the last 2 years of Andy's life, (until the last 8 months when Byron said No More! I just want to be his brother!) he was all that plus also Andy's private nurse. Sounds a lot like a parent doesn't it. No one asked Byron to do that stuff but he felt compelled. Those of us who are natural caregivers will understand everything he did... and empathize with the rage and resentment too. There's a lot of sh*t to process there. Now I really get why people talk to their loved ones who are no longer living. They may not be living but they are HERE and the relationship is sooo not over. 
Eric Clapton: "I'll find my way, through night and day..."
xox
Sarah
p.s. green smiley thursday! : )
 
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

You are so correct \"the song that never ends!!! \" We will all sing it together... now I wonder if I will be able to get that little ditty out of my head all day or will I be humming it throughout the day {LOL} Wendy
KandL
KandL

So true, Sarah. I am so glad that Byron has you and you have him to sing this song together as you heal and continue in your loving relationships with sweet Andy. What an amazing relationship the brothers had and still have, even though at times it was conflicted. Hugs, Linda
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

The song that never ends... sometimes it may even play over and over on one spot, perhaps the place where our attention may need to be? Byron just wanting to be Andy\'s brother... so much packed into that line and the narrative that lives within it. I see this huge patchwork quilt with many brilliant colors, muted and subtle ones too... where the living resides is actually not in the patches yet in the threads, the seams that tie these two precious and wild men together. Sometimes these threads were worn very thin, frayed, maybe they even broke and had to be tied once again yet in those seams is where their love and relationship is. The connections, the weaving of their souls even at the most conflicting of times has always been alive. This is what I see this morning. Such love and more to be discovered in what binds them together forever. Love dear Sarah on this quiet, snowy and cold day from my house to yours. Joanie
inmemoryofhattie
inmemoryofhattie

I remember the ending of the play then movie \"I Never Sang For My Father\" and indeed it ends \"death ends a life, but never a relationship.....\"

So yes, you will somehow always miss and mourn the lost life but the relationship is still there.....

Lots and lots of love, Sarah
deleted_user
deleted_user

It is all the memories that bind them..my boys of course did not always get along when they were small or as they grew to men. Their love for each other is strong and deep.
The song that never ends I never did like that one for some reason but you are right :0) I remember at first feeling like I was living that movie \"groundhog Day\" each day the same over and over stuck in time...

marilyn
mummar
mummar

\" The song that never ends \" - had totally forgotten that one. Gosh, how true....heck, I\'ll be singing it all day now. Thanks a lot!!!!! love and hugs ` Joanna
Missinglisa
Missinglisa

You are sooo right. The relationship with our angels is not over.
Hugs,
Marlene - Lisa\'s Mum
Abotsd
Abotsd

So good to read this journal. So true, nothing is ever over. The relationship from the very first day I brought my boy home from the hospital, goes on. Now I understand the bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, that had alluded me before this terrible event. My son was 43 and died in his sleep. you can read about him at : rememberingyaakov.com and click on elegies, or click on Legacy and read the local eulogies. We are all broken hearted.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh, so amazingly true! The song is never over, far from it, and I rejoice in that. I wrote a poem for my good friend when her mother died, and it was all about finding out that it is never over, never ended. My father-in-law died one year ago today, and he was a great prankster, and there have been some things happening around this house in the last day or two, believe me. Things that couldn\'t happen on their own, but are there when we get up in the morning, etc. And we have a wonderful ongoing relationship with my mother, whose favorite thing is leaving pennies and feathers in specific places and ways so that we know it\'s her.....I collect mine. I talk to her alot and I talk to my Dad a lot. Dad was a country western singer for years and years, and knew a gagillion songs. We are finding that when we have a problem orsomething to solve, one of his songs will pop into our head (and he is singing it), and if we match the problem to the song lyrics, they go together and sometimes have a solution for us. He is using what he loved best to communicate with us. Those who have passed get very creative with how to let you k now things. What we are doing is \"relocating\" them....giving them another place so they can be in our lives. I love it.

Becky
CorriesMom
CorriesMom

Wow ~ you are so right ~ I know that song and grief IS the song that never ends...well ~ at least we can keep on singing together!

Love and big hugs to you ~ thanks for sharing, as always, your insight and wisdom ~ Debbie
zzztop
zzztop

grieve is a life long process ((it never goes away) my daughter will be gone 1/18/2011 8 years. do people actually think because it is 8 years .SHE WILL BE FORGOTTEN TUCKED AWAY IN MY HEART BUT I SHOULD NEVER TALK ABOUT HER PEOPLE I KNOW WHICH IS VERY FEW ACT LIKE I NEVER HAD A CHILD. IF I SPEAK HER NAME IT IS LIKE (WHO IS THAT) TODAY I WAS AT THE STORE AND THEY WERE PLAYING \"OH HOLY NIGHT\" AND TEARS JUST RUN DOWN MY EYES. IT WILL NEVER LEAVE I SEE THINGS THAT SHE LOVED AND I FEEL SO SAD. HER STEP DAD PUT UP THE LAST LITTLE TREE SHE EVER DECORATED IN THE HOSPITAL I SAW IT AND JUST SHOOK AND CRYED SO MANY MEMORIES, MISS HER SOOOO MUCH. I GET SICK PHYSICALLY OVER HER DEATH. HUGS ZZ
deleted_user
deleted_user

You are absolutely right! It never ends. They are always here with us and we can talk to them as much as we want. By they way, what a good memory. My kids and I used to sing that song in the car all the time :)