This is real specific to me
I finally realized that folks or religion or circumstance will put you in a position
to be beautiful in a standard. It can be a mind f$$$ in the trying to achieve and sustain it. I'm relaxing from that and pleasing myself and the work here is getting less stressful, more fun and more successful.
I find when I focus too much on beauty - it can be self abusive within me and then to counter act that force
my mind picks up a memory - like a chew toy or a tool - and it has me bang
away mentally on that in the sense that it's something outside of me (in my mind) as a way to counter that self abusive force within me
I've also come closer to the idea of seeing all these sisters, that I love daily,
as a kind of singular relationship conceptually only in the sense it has me trying to live
by a standard of the individuals in the group in relationship with me -
I'm able to please them for the most part but at times there's a rub.
It's like a marriage I guess.
In that thought I'm evaluating it all.
.... happily :-)
Replies
It sounds like you are seeing things from a whole new perspective. You are looking at the nuns through the eyes of love instead of fear! That's progress, Mark! Congratulations!
Thanks Bob!!!
is there a position/vocation in life that can't be stereotyped? from saint mommy to father numnutz, we all have images we are viewed by.
alas, life is not a two dimensional proposition. there are multi-dimensional humans on each and every one of those pedestals.
Thanks Arfie!!
It reads like you're feeling like you're part of a family now sweetie rather than just trying to fit in
That's lovely...xo
Thanks Janet!!
I was thinking about my sense of adventure and courage in later years in my life. My outlook has changed now and I know I have different priorities that I have to follow. When I was younger I think there was a little more of a sense of entitlement ignorance and a different emphasis on the beauty of things. Now I know I have to take care of my health and self as a first priority.
The reality is resetting my expectation and perhaps these thoughts as a bonus give me more courage while knowing the new rules.
I occasionally over spend on stuff that give me a kind of narcissistic injury if I can’t afford them. This I’ve got to get better with!:)
I need to pray to god for someone/him to take care of me when I am not so smart about taking care of myself
at every step of the day. I am alone now and I am starting to see why my Dad had a worried look on his face
when he was not married. He had no one to look after and be his home base.
I was around a group of workers and nuns and volunteers just now who were helping to set up
the new furnishings here in the rectory.
After some negativity, I've reaffirmed I've got to take care of myself and now see maybe what I've been 'holding onto'
for support doesn't serve me well anymore. I know I need to take care of myself, that's empowering
and grounding.
and letting go of the old way - and opening a new door so to speak helps me frame my thoughts and actions
with more clarity, frame work and direction.