This is on a road to nowhere
Tomorrow is US Independence Day. It will be a quiet one at my house. My parents are having a couple of friends over, and all I will be asked to do is light the barbecue so they can have some chicken for dinner. The rest of the night I will get to have to myself.
Which, in a strange way that makes me wonder if I should be crying about this, is okay.
I have no face-to-face friends nearby, so there's no point in going anywhere, even if the Boston Pops concert is just a metro ride away for me.
My sleep pattern is still busted so it's unlikely I'm going to be perky (tonight is no exception, about the only thing that could happen tomorrow that's positive is that I might crash out early from emotional exhaustion...maybe).
The no-progress streak on my study guide has now hit a full month. A friend from Australia offered some encouragement and a hug that might finally get the darn thing off the ground, but avoidance episodes are still happening every day -- it's like new addiction issues have come and said hi -- so I'm not optimistic about how long her boost will last.
And right now, there is a lot of "I'm not going anywhere without body armor" thinking going on. I don't think I have to explain what that means about me not feeling safe anywhere anymore. It already feels as though that will be stuck with me forever now, just like every other issue I have.
Which, in a strange way that makes me wonder if I should be crying about this, is okay.
I have no face-to-face friends nearby, so there's no point in going anywhere, even if the Boston Pops concert is just a metro ride away for me.
My sleep pattern is still busted so it's unlikely I'm going to be perky (tonight is no exception, about the only thing that could happen tomorrow that's positive is that I might crash out early from emotional exhaustion...maybe).
The no-progress streak on my study guide has now hit a full month. A friend from Australia offered some encouragement and a hug that might finally get the darn thing off the ground, but avoidance episodes are still happening every day -- it's like new addiction issues have come and said hi -- so I'm not optimistic about how long her boost will last.
And right now, there is a lot of "I'm not going anywhere without body armor" thinking going on. I don't think I have to explain what that means about me not feeling safe anywhere anymore. It already feels as though that will be stuck with me forever now, just like every other issue I have.
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