This is hard!!
I just feel the need to journal tonite. I began sorting through some boxes which I had already gone through and there are things I am now able to donate, give away, etc. I feel like I am so betraying my daughter in "ridding of her things". I am keeping sentimental things that mean something to me but as I said before, my daughter was a hoarder. I have over 50 boxes of just papers.....old newspapers.....notes from high school friends....post it notes that she had written on ..... notebooks (20 plus) of scriptures, sermons from church and one notebook of positive affirmations she had written. (hundreds of them) Just to see those papers with her writing on it knowing she held the notebook, that post it note, that pen, SIGH.. all of this stuff is my daughter and I feel like I am somehow betraying her in donating, giving away, etc. her stuff. Jennifer once told me that to have a "clean" house made her feel unsafe and having her stuff around her made her feel safe....why wasn't I able to do that?
So here I am doing what I have to do, just hoping that Jennifer would understand. I hope Jennifer would understand knowing I am handling everything so carefully, hugging those papers before I let them go, feeling the paper, smelling the writing....I want Jennifer to know I love her and even though I didn't understand the obsessive compulsiveness, hoarding, the feeling safe with stuff around, she is my daughter that I would have died for - wish I had been sick instead of her. SIGH
Many of the notebooks I am keeping - she was a wise girl and spiritually very close to God and heard His voice so many times. Her insight and love for God was so real and I learned so much from her. I just hope she would understand what I am having to do. SIGH...TEARS....CAN'T BREATHE.....
So here I am doing what I have to do, just hoping that Jennifer would understand. I hope Jennifer would understand knowing I am handling everything so carefully, hugging those papers before I let them go, feeling the paper, smelling the writing....I want Jennifer to know I love her and even though I didn't understand the obsessive compulsiveness, hoarding, the feeling safe with stuff around, she is my daughter that I would have died for - wish I had been sick instead of her. SIGH
Many of the notebooks I am keeping - she was a wise girl and spiritually very close to God and heard His voice so many times. Her insight and love for God was so real and I learned so much from her. I just hope she would understand what I am having to do. SIGH...TEARS....CAN'T BREATHE.....
Replies
Oh yes, keep some notebooks... she held them ,, she wrote in them,,,, her thoughts.... oh how wonderful to have that...please do remember to breathe.... love ya!
Oh how I understand! Just touching anything Kala touched....
I do believe with my whole being our kids see us more clearly, and see themselves more clearly, now. I know they understand our hearts and the things we do, and don\'t do, because they SEE us through pure LOVE energy. Jennifer understands!
Perhaps a few of the writings could be scanned and saved to a disc??? Just a thought....
No matter what you save or what you get rid of, Jennifer understands and is with you in every moment, with every breath you take!
Tight heart hugs darling~~
You are not betraying her in anything. You are honoring her. She wasn\'t, and now has, none of the illness that kept her bound to her stuff. She is watching and encouraging you to keep what will help someone (notebooks) and to let the stuff that bound her, go. I am sure she feels as light as a feather now and she wants the same for you.
I sat with my sons belongings in my living room for over a week. I was waiting for his brothers to come get what they wanted. It was my worst week to date. I now have a small pile in my bedroom that I look at maybe once a day. I try so hard to hear his new voice telling me to see that he is healed. I miss him more than I can bear, but I love to imagine him whole and unbroken.
I love the fact that you have her words on a page to learn from. You may find scriptures to get you through this. Gods plan is perfect and although He did not plan this, He did make provision for it. Her insight may be the very thing to bring you peace. This is the consuming fire that we Christians hear tell about. Praying for mercy and overwhelming grace for you through this journey, Lauri
I gave away all April\'s gaming systems, hundreds of dollars worth of games, her TV set, all her computer gear, her brand new mattress, to my friend and neighbor\'s son who had very little. It was very hard but would it be better for those things to have rotted in storage? Does she need them or value them now? I even gave away a carton of vintage, beautiful picture books I bought in her early childhood to someone who suddenly found herself with her three grandchildren when the court removed custody from their mother (her daughter). Would April have been angry in real life? Yes, she would have been a hoarder also if I had let her, now I understand why because of your daughter\'s explanation. Does she care now? No. She sees directly now, no more dark glass nor pain nor torment.
The art work, the many notebooks filled with it, her writings, her external hard drives with things she saved, these are in storage. The essence of her being. But you are far braver than I. I can\'t even look at these things. Two friends of mind packed up her room, her collectibles, her clothes, and another friend moved it all into storage. I don\'t know if I will be able EVER to go through those things. I admire laurim45\'s post. She\'s got it. I will keep you in prayer, sister.
It is very difficult. I cried and apologized throwing away most of Doug\'s toiletries. He had many t-shirts, I too the ones I wanted and had a quilt made if most of them. I let his friends who wanted to take a shirt or jacket. I gave his cds to one of his closest friends. It meant so much to me to share his things with his friends. When I moved from MA to FL 1 1/2 years ago I had a very difficult time weeding through things. My older son was very good about helping me. One box I had of things from their school years I could not even look at and so my son said just take it with us so I did. Do whatever feels right for you. Jennifer is always right with you. Sue xo
Oh my dear. You are not betraying Jennifer. You are honoring her by being so respectful and loving. Of course keep some of the treasures. If unsure about tossing something, wait until the time is right. I am still getting rid of some of Lisa\'s things (after 4.5 years) but I have a box of Lisa\'s books, photos etc. that I will keep forever.
Jennifer is safe now, so no longer needs the physical things that helped her feel safe in this earthly realm.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
Jennifer does understand and has a wisdom and knowing beyond anything our earthly eyes can comprehend.
So very challenging to have to do this and have a timetable. Just allow your heart to guide you as you are and please do not be hard on yourself.
I gave many of my son\'s belongings away, kept a few, his sister kept a few and several of his friends wanted some of his hats as they were so very cool and were just so \"him.\"
With you and keep breathing deeply through it and give yourself pats on the back for your courage in doing this as it does take just that.
With love and care,
XO Joanie
Vicki, You are lovingly and respectfully taking care of Jennifer\'s worldly possessions. She no longer needs things around her to feel safe...she is wrapped in Jesus\'s arms and surrounded by angels.
The human mind and psyche is so complex. You did not let her down in any way. I am sure you were her rock. For whatever reason she needed to hoard..brain chemicals that were not quite typical possibly? Now she is healed and whole and you will see her again in the sweet by and by. I know you will cherish her writings. Ed used to make lists of songs he loved and wanted to learn to play. I kept some of those lists just because...
Keep breathing, stay hydrated and eat as healthfully as you can. Rest in the knowledge that dearest Jennifer is proud of you for taking care of her belongings. You are very brave. Love, Linda
Many things we do seem like we are betraying our children. I remember thinking me still living was betraying my son. I think if you feel it is time to donate some things then do it! I wasn\'t ready and decided to wait. Now it\'s been seven years and I\'m almost too lazy for lack of a better word to even look or go through his things. I totally think Jennifer would understand. She\'s probably watching down and wondering....\"how did I get so much crap\"..lol. Love to you. Robin
Just try to remember they are only things. Your love and connection with Jennifer cannot be broken by her passing. You are both together at all times just in a different way. I remember a poem given to me at Marissa\'s passing it went like this. A rose on the other side is still a rose just behind the wall that separates us. We will be together again. I find it comforting to know they are not in any pain now, they are whole. Peace my friend!!!!
I\'m sure Jennifer can understand and feel your love as you go through her things and keep the writings that still contain her spirit. You are not betraying her by discarding the possessions that carry no real meaning for you. It will be hard to keep and treasure and read the gems if you have all the rest of the \"stuff\" crowding around it. I envy you having this task, no matter how difficult it seems now. My son was the opposite of a hoarder and we had just gone through his room together and gotten rid of all his old clothes and junk right before he died, so there was very little left because he was not a \"things\" person. Now I wish he had more things! Wishing you peace -- Laura
My son-in-law went through Jenns clothes, etc. within weeks of her passing. After he had given so many things away to others did he ask me if I wanted anything...I have a few things.
He just sold the house and we had to clean out 25 years of stuff in 3 weeks...so many memories, and a lot of junk...I kept the things that I wanted and things for the kids but I realized I couldn\'t keep it all...beside it\'s stuff, Jenn is in my heart...not in boxes of stuff.
Hugs, marylou
oh I had to go to my daughters house it was so sad everything sitting there all her . her home her dog had to be taken to be put down he waited till she died then he died. It was so horrible. So I know how you must feel. we had to go her home ready to sell. God bless your angel. Love Mary Ann
I am really behind on journals but I wanted to share one story. Four months after my son, Michael, died, my brother traveled with me to Florida for my younger son\'s graduation from college. My brother is disabled and a bit destitute. Anyway, he had no decent shoes to wear. So I gave him Michael\'s nearly new shoes that I had just bought for him about 2 months before he died. My brother first said he did not want to take them, that how could he take and wear Michael\'s shoes. I told my brother to take them, that Michael not only had no need for the shoes but that he would want his beloved Uncle Bobby to wear them for him. I am with what Marylou said....it is \"stuff\". Of course, I keep things handwritten, photos etc. But clothes, shoes, cosmetics? No, what is the point?