This heart...
Dear DS diary,
I haven't been on here much recently because there really hasn't been much new for me to say.
Until this morning.
Today was only a half-day at work because there wasn't enough to do. This sometimes happens and wasn't and isn't the problem. The problem is where my overactive mind went while I was putting away bags that we use to ship medications to the group homes that we serve.
Because it's becoming apparent that not everything that hurts inside is necessarily a trigger in and of itself.
It started when, for no apparent reason, I seemed to remember a few lines from a Tootsie Roll advertisement I saw a bunch of times in the early '80s courtesy of some Peanuts animated specials that were taped at my house. This one, basically:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VG75rYD151s
I also seem to recall the famous "How Many Licks?" spot for Tootsie Roll pops, but that doesn't seem to hurt as much. I don't understand why.
The reason why it hurts is that in those days...I can't be sugar-coating this, I was basically a fat hog. I had a penchant for junk. Fruit Roll-Ups especially. It wasn't until I was perhaps 12, 13 years old that I started to eat better than I did in those days.
Like so many other things in my life, it's stuff that I don't want to remember because the memories really aren't all that happy. But the memories just will not go away. Every day is a battle just to keep myself in one piece. Every once in a while I'm okay. But most days I'm not.
I haven't been on here much recently because there really hasn't been much new for me to say.
Until this morning.
Today was only a half-day at work because there wasn't enough to do. This sometimes happens and wasn't and isn't the problem. The problem is where my overactive mind went while I was putting away bags that we use to ship medications to the group homes that we serve.
Because it's becoming apparent that not everything that hurts inside is necessarily a trigger in and of itself.
It started when, for no apparent reason, I seemed to remember a few lines from a Tootsie Roll advertisement I saw a bunch of times in the early '80s courtesy of some Peanuts animated specials that were taped at my house. This one, basically:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VG75rYD151s
I also seem to recall the famous "How Many Licks?" spot for Tootsie Roll pops, but that doesn't seem to hurt as much. I don't understand why.
The reason why it hurts is that in those days...I can't be sugar-coating this, I was basically a fat hog. I had a penchant for junk. Fruit Roll-Ups especially. It wasn't until I was perhaps 12, 13 years old that I started to eat better than I did in those days.
Like so many other things in my life, it's stuff that I don't want to remember because the memories really aren't all that happy. But the memories just will not go away. Every day is a battle just to keep myself in one piece. Every once in a while I'm okay. But most days I'm not.
Replies
Hello my friend!
I can\'t even begin to say how sorry I am that we fell out of touch. I\'ve been crazy busy, but of course that\'s no excuse.
How have you been?????? Not counting this journal\'s subject, of course.
If I could offer an idea, (because you know i\"m just full of those lol)...why not try to see your current weight as a victory? You\'re a runner...so I\'m assuming that you\'re very, VERY far away from an unhealthy weight. That is HUGE! So many people struggle as children but NEVER get a handle on their weight...or they can\'t get it under control without some serious health issues giving them that \"boost\" to get healthy. You did it very early, and without all the options and assistance that is available today. That, my friend, is a huge-ass victory in my mind. Try turning that hurt into some serious rejoicing :) i know it\'s not that easy, but worth a shot?
Either way, I hope you\'re well, in every sense :)