this HAS to stop

since the last time that i ended up having a panic attack and dry heaving, it happened again yesterday while i was eating. it just happened AGAIN about a half hr ago while i was snacking on crackers. this is 100% complete torture. everytime i eat something, is this going to happen to me? im terrified to eat. everytime i do, i have to take a xanax otherwise i wont be able to eat more than a few bites and i wont eat. i have my OB appointment in about an hour and i really hope they can help me. having to drive there alone scares the hell out of me. when this had happened before, about 2 years ago, my doctors were so concerned they wanted me to stay in the hospital and get on a feeding machine because if something wasnt going to change i would not make it. they said my organs were going to completely shut down, and thats about the time i had the minor heart attack. i dont want to go back there, i dont want this to happen again. i know its so important for me to eat, but when i do this happens...and when i get those horrible side effects from it all these old feelings come back, like wanting to self injure to make myself feel better (which i havent done in about 6 months). but i wont, i CANNOT bring myself to do that again. im so exhausted from this, from not eating, and from when i do getting these attacks that mess up my whole day and my whole body. i just want a moment of peace. sometime after my appointment, my mom and i are going to go to the hospital where my grandpa is at and visit.