this evening and tomorrow morning
it's 452pm - the sun is nearly down. It's dark in my apartment
and it's the start of the weekend. I had a good meeting with my therapist this afternoon.
Blue is standing by now - waiting for our nightime congregation on the bed
with him laying on top of me. I am trying to make a plan for tomorrow.
For some reason I always have a hard time doing this. Perhaps it's because
I never know how I will feel - so I broke it down to a Starbucks first thing when
I wake up - or perhaps I ought to make the coffee I have in the fridge, since the remainder in my
checking account is low. Then I will make use of those checking account funds to buy
groceries for the remainder of the week when the TJ's opens (until payday next Thursday.)
So there's two things. Then I will shower and dress and get ready for
my family's lunch party that we're having before the holidays at my little sister's house.
Her boyfriend and his kids of going to the UK for the holidays - so we'll have a chance
to see each other before the they leave.
Tomorrow's lunch will lead into late afternoon - I don't have a plan for when
I get home - but Sunday will come and I'll wake at 5 and watch a usual show.
Then I'll catch some of CBS Sunday morning. Then at 7am will be the World Cup Final.
I suppose I don't have to have everything planned but I can get kind of stunned by the silence
and lost in it if that makes sense. Time passes, space and time. But I take care of life. The only thing
is to worry about the future. In March, I'll go to the monastery and my Aunt wants me to
visit her in Florida. Sorry I am rambling. I guess this journal is the spouse and sounding board
I need in my life. :)
Have a good night guys!
xx
Mark
- Blue is psyched we are finally headed to bed!
Replies
Hola Mark,
Here listening, you don’t have to be sorry for rambling, I like rambling lol. For some reason I thought when you were saying about that you don’t have a plan for when you come home mañana pa la noche, I thought of you being cozy with Blue & putting a cute movie on & doing some art work or something. But don’t listen to me I’m loca :)
Big hugs <3
Bonjour Mark! Like lil missy said, I don’t think we need to apologize for our rambles in a personal journal! We are growing here as we sort stuff out!
When you are watching the World Cup I will be on a long train voyage, waving hello from afar! Have a good weekend.
thanks lil missy and Nikki!
another vote that you never apologize for anything you write in your personal journal. this is your exclusive turf. use it as you see fit.
i used to think i was a top notch planner. i had lists of lists for every hour of the day. with provisional lists to cover the SNAFUs of the first lists. what's that axiom about telling god your plans if you want to hear divine laughter?
still, refusal and/or fear to make plans sets me up for entirely to much dread of what tomorrow may bring.
oh for the love of balance. . .
these days i'm calling my lists of lists, "wish lists." just wishing, you giggly old fool on your celestial throne.
Thanks Arfus!
Your journal is your release! I'm thrilled that you are writing it out! It actually helps you to be present easier..
Keep on writing, keep on exploring and learning how your processing method works for you!
thanks Mid!
the morning is going ok. Some days my mind attacks me. Just gives me empathy for others who deal with the pressures of life. I did my grocery shopping for the week bright and early and later today we’re having lunch at my sister’s house. Sending prayers for a good weekend.
It’s crazy how, as I make my day, there are assumptions that i make about others in my life as to how they’re feeling a certain way about me. It’s mostly negative and can create a residue from those flashes of paranoia that can lead to a mental narrative that 'all that negative is true.' My therapist mentions “ feelings are not facts “ “and they change” and that indeed is something I have to remember and reconcile. We may have life pressures but it doesn’t mean we’re all angry with one another. To be able to look up from your burden and be able to smile at your fellow man is a gift.
I hope that you have a fabulous time with your family sweetie.... It sounds lovely.... I get Rascal back today.... Yay!!.... Big hug....xo
thanks Janet! have fun with Rascal!
ugh - just came from the nearby market to purchase something real quick.
Unfortunately I was helped by a checker there, who used to work at the shop where I work,
and she's a real misanthrope. Always a debby-downer and complaining. Hates her job.
Anyways - she was miserable with me - just negative and sh*t - and now I am
back at home realizing and questioning why I am focusing on this interaction.
I felt slighted and hurt by her - but really after questioning this - why not just say "fu*k her"
and get on with my day. That's just her crap she's putting on me and has everything to do with
her and no one else. I reread my above entry - and I am trying to keep the lessons with me
as a curative. " paranoia that can lead to a mental narrative that 'all that negative is true.' My therapist mentions “ feelings are not facts “ “and they change”"
and maybe that's her darkside - coming through - everyone is trying there best to get through these
kinds of transactions at the shops - and she chooses her own bs-y game.... makes more than me miserable surely... acceptance of that - and the idea that not everyone wants the same kind of relationships just comes to mind. anyways - that's she's probably incapable of being nice is one thing I can accept and also that she's got a dark side - as we all do - helps me just shake it off.
I'll avoid her checkstand in the future...if i can :).