This demon
I have been GF for 13 days today. I havent really had the urge to go to the casino until yesterday. I was sitting at home, and thinking all my bills are paid for the whole month. I have a little money leftover for the month. I began to think of how the stupid disease has ruined my life so far. I began to think that if i did give in then the demon would end up beating me down until it consumed my whole life again. That it would own me again. I would live and breathe it and I would eventually end up disappointing everyone around me. I would especially disappoint myself the most. I am tired of the visciuos cycle of never having any money in my purse, or not buying things I really needed just so i could go play slots. That it has taken everything from me but i still have my soul. It wont ever get that! I will NOT ever let it !! So everytime the urge comes over me to go spin, I will look at my life post gambling and compare it to the last few years, and KNOW I will always be stronger than this demon could even hope to be!! Lisa
Replies
Today is my 18th day GF. I feel very relieved that this addiction isnt consuming my every waking hour anymore. I lived and breathed gambling for so long that quitting was like a BIG shock to my body. For the last couple weeks, I havent wanted to do anything but sit in my chair at home and play mndless games on my phone. My husband leaves for work, and thats all i want to do. I know i need to be working the 12 steps for G.A. I started the other day. My doctor raised my anti depressants so Im hoping that helps. I know its all because I \'m not ready to work thru my feelings just yet. Anyway thats all for tonight.