This and that
If I go with my feelings I can be a kind of joker.
Though I know I need to go with my feelings to live life but I also need to be self responsible so perhaps I should get comfortable to wield the scales of judgment and compassion on my own?
And not be so harsh but take comfort from the fact that I’m taking care of life..
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Compassion for you sounds like a wonderful idea..... Big squishy hug sweetie.... xo
Thanks Janet!! Indeed it is!
I’m hanging with Blue and classical on the radio until I’ve got to go down to meal prep with the sisters.
Just came from the pub and had treats!
that blind-folded biddy holding up the scales of justice is a ride along icon for every corner of my life. balance in all things and i'm only kidding myself when i think i am all-seeing. balance in all things. the only thing harder than finding balance is keeping balance.
yay you for balancing all that self-responsibility with some treats.
thanks Arf-abulous Arfie!
I was in chapel during services. I can get pretty grim and stern behind there - as well as fatigued.
My face has become all puffy because of all the focus on that kind of thing and not much room
for feelings amongst most of the sisters.
I find myself telling myself honestly today that I wish I got more out of it -
and in the process of sublimating or suppressing - I find myself going dark -
like my body wants to take overy my thoughts' directions and mind.
So instead of offering peace today I just felt keenly aware of my dark side rather
than in a place to put it in perspective while there amongst the others in chapel -
so as to put it aside and keep on keeping on.
I did my work and I felt self judgy - but now I am back in my room and I am cooling down.
Maybe I’m realizing that we all can’t be the same. Like I’d like to think there would be some ‘one size fits all aspect of our emotional lives’ but we have to live with the differences. Here there seems to be no emotional platform to stand on here other than the explanation that is given in the Bible or by the elders. I am much more psychological and feeling oriented but again maybe the challenge here is to try and have a Jungian perspective where myth and story illuminates self rather than Cognitive behavioral.
I definitely have learned that I’ve been trying to squeeze myself into a box that doesn’t fit.
I was going to write one more thing I’ve forgotten. A said ‘she doubts anyone here is in therapy or has the tools to talk about things like I do.
I’ve kind of noticed too in my yearning for social acceptance or a place in society outside of my family life I have sought those things of essence, in the monarchy or wishing I had been in the military or boy scouts or now religion.
I guess access to a commonality in symbols is a way we find belonging and commonality in a diverse world
This time in Maryland has aged me a great deal. Dad has urged me not to try and fit in but to be true to myself. Hopefully that will be restorative
This epiphany has kind of helped me relate here better
perhaps by total self denial (in coming here) I have found myself
and that realization that we're all different
and there's no explanation for it aside from the fact
that differences exist.
gosh the nuns are tightly high strung here - and most do not talk
during the day - and then it seems like services are a release
of expression
I feel like what I’ve been doing all my life is like learning to be human.
I guess that’s the human condition..life is lessons….I’d be interested in reading a sociological study analysis of my generation.. the pressures and inclinations and all of it.