thinking and planning for the future

I had a good meeting with my therapist today.

We had a family meeting where they met her for the first time

and they liked her as I knew they would! She's just great!

I have some home work to complete this week for my future plans

that my family is very much involved with.

I started to plod forward, one step at a time at the work -

I started to feel dizzy and faint because of the major adjustment

it will be - and because of the enourmity of the blank canvas I have

here to think about.

As I felt dizzy from not knowing where to begin and all the standards

of approval that come within - I just decided be compassionate with myself

and choose a path of least resisstance - that would promote the healthiest

outcome for me. My sister urged me "no rush" and indeed she's right.
I have this whole week to think about it. 

I've started to love it here where I am living, not because it is perfect as my younger

self might have thought about it - but because I have my work here, I have a kind of community

here, including my family - and perhaps I should think about if the family part goes away

would I still want to work and live here....I have an embarassment of choices here.

Where do I want to live? What questions do I ask myself?

What am I not getting here or will not be getting here that I hope to find somewhere else??

If I move to the DC area, there will be indeed a mess of public culture there...

I also have my friend the Abbess nearby as well! Very important.

I shouldn't self flagellate over this choice. I am hoping that since

my family chose this new city, and that I am not experiencing some unrealistic

love affair which feels like I must instantly have with my future location and so my head now

is bursting from trying to fit the impossible square peg of 'knowing' into the round 

hole of making this happen.