Thinking about my future

I wrote this yesterday in a moment of frustration to a Priest friend.:

Hi Father A, I’m experiencing some circumspection about the life here at St. Nina’s. Perhaps self inflicted, I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure to be ‘perfect’ all the time and am always on deck for the needs here. I realize we’re all under that kind of pressure here and in most people’s lives people they are that way. Even for the reception of this text from you , which I so appreciate, is something that is emblematic of that. I think when I do something unsuccessfully here I tumble down the hole of futility, but I also realize it’s something I have to better manage. I miss free time, I miss earning money, but all of those realities I have to learn to manage positively including the mitigation of my errors and mistakes. I visited a parishioner in the hospital today and I’m so glad to be able to have given him communion. Thank you for being a source of hope and reason.
Sending peace and great gratitude.

There was an issue with my ‘boss’ of this place too this afternoon, and since I’ve worked in the world and also in the monastery, I realize that there is no ‘other world’ or ‘perfect workplace’. Bosses of all types exist in every workplace. It’s a unifying and leveling kind of element in life for me.

So that I need to manage yet again with positivity too.

Thanks and Peace, Mark

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I've realized that I need to think about my future, and in fact it's something we all have to think about. That commonality 

helps me feel in good company and it helps me feel good about the work I am doing here. There are trade offs like I mentioned above but I do like being in service the way I am. It feels good that I am touching peoples' lives and doing something that is valuable to others and myself too.