thinking about life
I fear I have asked my friends for too much. To come to them with thoughts, worries and messages
when I am alone. Before I got sick, it was not uncommon for me to have a partner in my life.
But illness kind of threw me into another universe - dealing with my own self responsibilities for
dealing with my feelings and not breaching the dating world anymore but more of being a friend to my friends.
I dated a lot at a point in my life
- but the whole idea of creating a life with a partner never solidified as one of my
requisites when creating a life - I was so spun out in my own headtrip about it all.
Some people see it more as a part of life, the pragmatics, but I didn't
think that way - I thought about it - but I was hindered by my mindset..
I don't always know what's the right boundary to keep
with friends - in that I'd love to be in touch with friends every day, all the time - but I get that some friends
have a life and they've built it the way they want to - and I admire that but - and so I don't always know how to respect that boundary. I feel like it would never be appropriate for me to think of my own needs or my own assertion.
Inevitably I do though and perhaps ask too much?? I just hold tight and go for it.
Maybe I am one of those people who is about a different arc to his life - and so I need
to make my life about what is in front of me..Maybe I will!
Replies
You are learning how to set your own boundaries with your feelings. That's a positive direction in helping you find a better balance. Way to go!
Nope, I ain't buying that you ask too much of your friends. I've got you figured for the kind of guy who is going to quietly agonize over what *I* consider too much rather than asking straight up and trusting me to answer honestly. Not that I'm going to hold that against you, nor will I assume that I have guessed right. The size and quantity of the psycho snot knots I have overcome and the ones I have yet to untangle have given me quite allot of skill with radical acceptance.
Do, indeed, make your life about what is in front of you. The greatest gift you can give the world is self-love. When you sincerely love yourself, you have an endless source of love to give away.
As for knowing which boundaries to keep, I figure it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission. When I guess wrong, the quick and ready humility to ask forgiveness and make amends as needed can be a boundary stretcher, all by itself, especially if I can ice the humility cake with some gentle, compassionate humor.
thanks Mid, thanks arfie. This engine inside can really work away at me. Your encouragement is greatly appreciated!! xxoo