thinking about joy...........

Good Morning,
the clock tells me that it is afternoon, but who cares really?  i got the trash to the curb afterall......the guys haven't been by yet......so yay!!!!  nobody likes stinky garbage sitting about........they will take it away! 
then i thought as long as i'm out here in my gown, robe and slippers why not blow the garage out?  so i plugged in the long orange utility cord and got busy with the leaf blower.  tah dah!  felt so good that i blew the leaves off the sidewalk and thanked my lucky stars that all my neighbors are at work so they don't think i've forgotten that robes and pj's are not the usual things worn for yard k.p.  the cord is not that long, so i can't go too far......lol, before i come back in.  the fresh air felt good in my lungs. 
wish i had a little more tarzan power i would do the tarzan yell!  do you remember how he sounded......standing tall, beating his chest?  King of the Jungle.........do you ever wonder if at any given moment someone you will never meet is thinking about you...........wondering what your life is like, what your customs are.........are you alright?  are you safe, content........at peace?  sometimes i wonder if someone far away in Asia or a rarely visited island thinks of people in Atlanta, wonders what life is like in the southern united states or how it feels to live in a little cottage in the woods just beyond a huge metroplex.
so where did my joy thoughts go?  they are right here, on simmer.........everyday I wish to/want to set aside time for joy.  to add the little bits of spice like laughter or wonder or time for fresh thoughts.  to get out of my own head, go beyond these walls and visit the world via the television or via music or the computer ......whatever is available to us. 
to protect hope, to actively seek joy.  hours can go by and i lose track of pretty much everything.  lost......confused, exhausted.......it happens on this journey of chronic illness.  there is no time at some point to blame or suffer about these things.  we all have challenges, we all do no matter who we are, where we are............what are health is at this moment.  i am tired so quickly....but still feel joy because i am alive, my heart beats.........press your hand to your chest and feel your own precious heart.......it is reassuring to hear it work so hard in care of us day after day after day. 
i missed the new class, the bible study yesterday, the dentist monday mid day.........tomorrow i have a doctor appt mid afternoon.  i am going to pick out clothes and make notes for the visit.  take my med bottles cause that is easier than figuring out what i need ....let them use their good eyes and stronger skills , i might forget something important......two heads are better than one!
solar santa is dancing but for some reason the little elf just sits and sits.  so very still.  they are side by side on the table.........poor little elf, he looks like a misfit........and i must admit i like him the best.  he reminds me of me.........still here, still looking out.......still wanting to dance and feel joy.
......note to self, beans are good for the dietary needs but ye gads, back away from the beans for a bit.  i would hate to toot in the doctors waiting room or during my check up.  ........too much???  yeah, probably, but i need to laugh..........and this, dumb as it is, helps me laugh........!!!!!!  i am glad to be an absurd little wonky old human.........in search of daily joy!  hugggggggggs, moi.