thinking about God tonight

I had all sorts of powerful conclusions tonight of which I wrote a bunch


of emails and sent them to my therapist.


they left me feeling capable and cognizant. Alone

in life in the sense that I am charting my path - and what pushed me forward?

I started to just get on with my responsibilities

with things here at the monastery and with Blue in 

the sense that I am 'writing my own story', with understanding

for where I've come from and knowing a little bit

about human nature.

I'm kind of feeling sad too, that I am creating a life

on my own - it just feels solitary - but 

I know people here rely on me and I need to keep

at making my life work. Filling that need is something

that speaks to me strongly.. 

I thought about God tonight when in services. As I grow closer

to this place, it's messages are filtering into my

person - and I thought God and then what is bigger

than God? and what has he created??

The thought seemed to open a door of perception

for me. 

 

 

Replies

malibumark
malibumark

I guess we all have moments like that of feeling alone in life.
Still gotta hold tight to your friends and keep on keeping on.
arfie
arfie

it don't matter how many people you have in your life. ya got to walk that lonesome valley of life by yourself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ls_FwwvegCk

what's bigger than god and what she has created? dunno if i have a measuring tape big enough to attempt that answer. think i'll just let the mystery be.
malibumark
malibumark

:-) thanks arfie :-)... are the kids home? Is everything back to normal?
malibumark
malibumark

it's interesting how people deal differently with 'that lonesome valley of life by yourself.'
It makes me feel a commonality. Eh? Does that make sense to you?
I mean we all gather in groups that are affiliations for our likes or dislikes or needs or wants -
this is kind of a macro group that we're all following the carrot of life that's held in front of us.
My Dad is a staunch super self reliant person - he's super rational and stoical.
arfie
arfie

"back to normal. . ." having been a freakazoid my entire life --with triple the freak factor with the inheritance of my 3 orphans--, it sure feels abnormal to make such a statement about myself, but, yes, the kids are home and everything is back to normal. i'm currently counting down to reveille for the last school weeks of 2023.

posilutely, i feel the commonality of the isolated nature of life inside a bio-mass (body). no matter how closely we bond, we are still alone inside the bio-container of mortality.

however, i disagree with macro groups that we are all following what is held in front of us. in larger fact, it is our choice to follow or whatever. i can live by my own conscious as a member of a macro group.

quite a few people used those very words, "super rational and stoical" to describe me. still do, at times, but i'm grateful i learned how and why to lighten up. super people take themselves entirely too seriously.
malibumark
malibumark

thanks arfie! after I wrote that word 'normal' i suspected you would take umbrage! but I didn't change it... :)
glad the kids are back and getting back to the routine! have a special day and good week ahead!