things you can control and things you can't

I was doing household chores - got the laundry going now - multiple loads, folded some and now

have the bed sheets, duvet and blanket going.

I had an early morning session with my therapist today. It was nice and very good to see her.

From what we talked about I was left contemplating the themes of the way some people manage

their lives, job positions and dependents as well as the adulthood reality that none of us are perfect

and yet we love each other - foibles, issues and all. "We have more resources as we age"

was one thing she talked about. Indeed that is true. I used to find myself so reactive to folks

I worked with when I was younger. Now I see the others' behavior at times - though a pain in the butt -

like I mentioned a few journals ago - as just their 'way of handling' - managing - keeping a grip on things -

which I now deal with as though it were water off a duck's back.

I am having a hard time though after my conversation with my therapist - not because of her at all -

but with the set of issues I have in front of me... I have a lot of excitement and energy for the day

but I can't seem to organize it....Well I'll be more clear - I have energy - I am doing chores - I just made lunch -

I need to wash the dishes and I am thinking I will out to the Gardens of the World again today - or better yet

"Old Agoura Park." I feel stress and anger and joy mixed as I do things around here today - relationship issues are lingering

and taunting me - but writing it out here is very therapeutic.. I know there are things I can have control over in my life..

like 'what I do with my time" but I can't start focusing, ruminating or managing what another's modus operandi might be

in their treatment of me. I think we all can get angered and stressed from that kind of stuff - but we gotta keep on keeping on. Again see it as water off a duck's back...

I'm finding a sense of control today by choosing what I eat today and a sense of context about what I am eating

- I went grocery shopping earlier -

I had a starbucks coffee and a banana bread. Then when I came home - I had a bowl of cereal mid morning -

and just now had my lunch. That is very much enough until dinner time and it's sitting well in my mind.

Writing here is just making me awake to the notion or the need to find things that 'when i am stressed or angered by life' to take control of and create. Art is so much like that - and so are things like journalling and tasking.

After these last two loads of laundry are done, I will go to Old Agoura Park. Right now I feel like I have a raging

mountain lion in me that I need to manage. Waves of soothing calm and raging anger follow each other wave after wave.

The walk will do me good! :) One more home remedy for the self medical practice!! Peace you guys!!