Things that get me down
Things that get me down are both now and in the past. And the things in the past hurt worse - I think that is strange but true.
What hurts me now is living alone. Not having a partner to share life with. Knowing that having bipolar significantly inhibits my ability to relate in healthy ways. I'm not social, don't enjoy talking to new people and am still somewhat moody and depressed. Making a relationship work wloud be almost impossible for me right now even if I found someone... This makes me very sad, not to mention lonely.
What hurts me from the past is memories of things gone wrong, and there is an unending list of them. Almost 50 years worth. And the memories surface continually throughout the day. It feels like I am beating myself up with these thoughts, they are very painful and I can obsess on them seemingly without end.
My friends say, think about the positive things, forget replaying those old movies in your head. Not so easy to do. I have more bad memories than good ones by a margin of 100-1. And I mourn the past, wonder why things went bad, knowing I played my part. I wish I didn't dwell on the past so much, it's really painful.
I don't know how to get control of my thoughts. To get rid of the painful ones. To stop replaying old movies of things from the past. I can try but... maybe when I get on the right meds it will be easier. I can only hope...
What hurts me now is living alone. Not having a partner to share life with. Knowing that having bipolar significantly inhibits my ability to relate in healthy ways. I'm not social, don't enjoy talking to new people and am still somewhat moody and depressed. Making a relationship work wloud be almost impossible for me right now even if I found someone... This makes me very sad, not to mention lonely.
What hurts me from the past is memories of things gone wrong, and there is an unending list of them. Almost 50 years worth. And the memories surface continually throughout the day. It feels like I am beating myself up with these thoughts, they are very painful and I can obsess on them seemingly without end.
My friends say, think about the positive things, forget replaying those old movies in your head. Not so easy to do. I have more bad memories than good ones by a margin of 100-1. And I mourn the past, wonder why things went bad, knowing I played my part. I wish I didn't dwell on the past so much, it's really painful.
I don't know how to get control of my thoughts. To get rid of the painful ones. To stop replaying old movies of things from the past. I can try but... maybe when I get on the right meds it will be easier. I can only hope...
Replies
I can totally relate in becoming wrapped up in the past and being haunted by things that have gone wrong and things that I would have rather done differently. I too have many more bad memories than good memories. I understand how torturous memories of the past can be. I also understand the difficulty of trying to think positive thoughts when so many bad things have happened. It\'s almost like I won\'t even allow myself to get my hopes up ever again because when something bad happens, having thought positively and getting my hopes up makes it hurt even worse. I wish I could give you some advice,but the best I can do is to tell you that you are not alone in feeling like this.
I have a tendency to push people away because of my anxiety and depression. I think that it\'s unfair for me to burden them with my problems. What makes it worse is when they do find out, then they distance themselves not wanting to deal with the entire package of who I am which further feeds into me pushing people away. Although I am not bipolar, I can understand the toll that the affliction takes on your personal life and I whole heartedly know and experience the loneliness of not having a significant other to go through life with. Again, I don\'t have any advice. I just want you to know that you\'re not alone.
Big, huge hugs my friend.
Its hard to keep a relationship when your ill and all you do is push people away because you feel so alone and that no one gets what your going through unless they have this illness. Im seperated and see no hope with getting back together i just dont feel the support i need so i think im better off alone although that doesnt sound so great either but if my partner doesnt want to deal with it than im already alone. I know what your feeling right now and im trying to stay positive although it is hard but somehow we gotta believe its going to get better someday. Hugs to you.