Things on the back-burner
I recently talked to a friend that i trust. While talking to her I started to think about some things that I have put on the backburner lately.
1. I am lonely. - I work 3rd shift, 5 nights a week, for the last 4 or 5 months. I work by myself so I really don't get to meet anyone. I go to a college where people don't really talk to one another it seems, it has something to do with it being in a shitty part of a shitty town. But the point is that I don't meet anyone there. I don't get a real chance to go out, and when I do it's with shitty friends that I'd rather just tell them to go piss off than hang out with but I don't because they're all I have. I haven't had a good healthy relationship in a very long time, and because of that I might do something extremely stupid. So simply I am alone, I have no real friends that I can call up and hang out with that I'd want to hang out with, I have people I trust and talk to (and in no way am i tryingto sound or be mean) but that's it, they live too far away.
2. I am on a path to nowhere. I work a shitty dead end job that just barely pays for things, I can't even afford to live on my own I make that little. In high school it was ok to work a shit job, it didn't matter, but now.... Now it matters and I can't find any.
3. I'm going to college for something I have no interest in. I did when I started, but now there is no interest. I wanted to study marketing and advertising, I wanted it so that I could utilize my photographic eye for things and go do it. But honestly I am tired of all the stupid business classes, now I just want to leave everything behind and go shoot pictures all over the world. But I can't, as it stands right now I'll be paying off student loans until I'm in my late 30's. I don't want to switch, but I just want to finish this damn major and be done with this college.
There are many more things. But these are the three biggest ones that are in my head now.
As for that relationship, the one that I had came to ds in the first place because, yea that girl, she is the one I cannot stop being in love with, she has hurt me bad twice, granted it wasn't all her, it takes two to tango n all, but she did go and hurt me bad. She is a compulsive liar, I don't hold it against her, and I don't think she does it while consciously thinking about it, but she does it. Well lately I've been thinking about getting back with her, I have never felt the feeling that I feel with her than I do anyone else, and nothing even close. My head and my heart are screaming two different messages at me. Both are screaming that I love her and both are screaming that its the worst idea in the world, I really don't know what I'm going to do, I guess it'd be smart to say this one is at even odds...
As for being lonely. Well I want to join the armed forces, I want to go to war. The way I figure it is it'll be a win win for me. Either I make friends in there, or I don't and if I die then oh well it's not like I feel worth very much to people anyways. At least I can die as a hero.
I'm gonna get pissed one day, and just go recruit up. Say fuck everything and get gone...
I have a lot of issues, I learned nothing from either of my parents when I was a child. Hell they probably made some of these things worse. . I hope I can get over all of these, but I have my doubts.
1. I am lonely. - I work 3rd shift, 5 nights a week, for the last 4 or 5 months. I work by myself so I really don't get to meet anyone. I go to a college where people don't really talk to one another it seems, it has something to do with it being in a shitty part of a shitty town. But the point is that I don't meet anyone there. I don't get a real chance to go out, and when I do it's with shitty friends that I'd rather just tell them to go piss off than hang out with but I don't because they're all I have. I haven't had a good healthy relationship in a very long time, and because of that I might do something extremely stupid. So simply I am alone, I have no real friends that I can call up and hang out with that I'd want to hang out with, I have people I trust and talk to (and in no way am i tryingto sound or be mean) but that's it, they live too far away.
2. I am on a path to nowhere. I work a shitty dead end job that just barely pays for things, I can't even afford to live on my own I make that little. In high school it was ok to work a shit job, it didn't matter, but now.... Now it matters and I can't find any.
3. I'm going to college for something I have no interest in. I did when I started, but now there is no interest. I wanted to study marketing and advertising, I wanted it so that I could utilize my photographic eye for things and go do it. But honestly I am tired of all the stupid business classes, now I just want to leave everything behind and go shoot pictures all over the world. But I can't, as it stands right now I'll be paying off student loans until I'm in my late 30's. I don't want to switch, but I just want to finish this damn major and be done with this college.
There are many more things. But these are the three biggest ones that are in my head now.
As for that relationship, the one that I had came to ds in the first place because, yea that girl, she is the one I cannot stop being in love with, she has hurt me bad twice, granted it wasn't all her, it takes two to tango n all, but she did go and hurt me bad. She is a compulsive liar, I don't hold it against her, and I don't think she does it while consciously thinking about it, but she does it. Well lately I've been thinking about getting back with her, I have never felt the feeling that I feel with her than I do anyone else, and nothing even close. My head and my heart are screaming two different messages at me. Both are screaming that I love her and both are screaming that its the worst idea in the world, I really don't know what I'm going to do, I guess it'd be smart to say this one is at even odds...
As for being lonely. Well I want to join the armed forces, I want to go to war. The way I figure it is it'll be a win win for me. Either I make friends in there, or I don't and if I die then oh well it's not like I feel worth very much to people anyways. At least I can die as a hero.
I'm gonna get pissed one day, and just go recruit up. Say fuck everything and get gone...
I have a lot of issues, I learned nothing from either of my parents when I was a child. Hell they probably made some of these things worse. . I hope I can get over all of these, but I have my doubts.
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