things good

i have gone to the doctor and have pretty much figured out why i am hurting so bad. and i have started school and am getting used to being in the world. some days are still really hard, others not so bad. i went to the doc yesterday and it was really hard to get the exam done. when he, had to be a him just made it worse, but he was very nice which helped some, because he had to do the exam and it hurt it sent me into a panic. but i was able to deal with the panic and got through the appt. and even though i ended up not sleeping til midnight, and had some bad dreams, i guess progress was made because in the past an exam like that would have sent me around the bend and i would not have been able to sleep especially without nightmares and waking up being terrified. so since i was able to sleep and just bad dreams and woke up tired but not terrified, i feel that that is awesome progress. maybe just maybe one step at a time does work :)