things are good - I wrote this last night
i thought about a lot of things tonight
as I was preparing for a special service for holy week.
I realized that everyone has a way they try and control
a situation - or manage a situation and their work
- the old gal who I ''deacon -understudy' with is a bitch -
but then she can be nice - but I know she's had a horrible horrible life
but she's not the brightest bulb - attacks me curtly when I suggest most answers
and she basically has a way to control the situation of getting things done -
though things do get done - they also don't from my view don't get done
as I would do them - but that's just a matter of preference :) And so it's all good -
The point is they get done
and she is teaching me (but in a way which is totally demoralizing and ineffective.)
So I kind of turned it on myself tonight - that question -
'how do I deal with my experiences?" -how do I manage -
I try to cling to perfection? be super nice? caring
and careful? I realize my Dad has his way - and so does
my sister - heck we each do - my sister who today during the family zoom - after I discussed something sensitive
- reacted to nullify my experience -versus - understanding or
acknowledging it - though it was a forum/discussion to help me
I kept steady on explaining my reasoning and I think she finally got it -
I must sound like the biggest creep - but I understood when she understood
that we all have our way of handling a situation - As I see the sisters here at the monastery have chosen
this life for a reason as well - I am learning not to put my notions of life
across the boards so to speak when dealing with people at the monastery -
some are consistently people I can relate to while others are not-
though I'd like to live in flow - it doesn't always work like that - rarely does - I've needed to wake up
to it -
I realize I make my world small. I listen to classical music (tight aesthetics)
regiment my life - and go for extreme ideals. - I know I have to look outward
from that too to find health and understanding - as well
I hope I don't seem like a jerk -
Anyways - I feel kind of liberated from certain feelings of injustice - or righteous indignation -
I'm lucky - things are good - and I am grateful -
I set to thinking last night about helping others -
I was thinking I would really like to be a mental healthcare professional
and do good work - like we've talked about before - it's something
I connected with tonight in a strong way - but then I had to focus
on service - which was pretty but exhausting.
Things are good though
Replies
(((((Marcos)))))
You don’t sound like a jerk, you’re just writing what you feel & stuff. I would write more but I’m still pretty weak today but just wanted to stop in & say hello
Big hugs to you & Blue from me & Baby <3
thanks lil missy!
It’s good to express yourself and get things off your chest. I wonder what specifically grates you so much about the woman that you’d call her a bitch, tho? I am sure the opposite sex has called me that before bc I didn’t respond the way they expected or I refused to do something, but i know in my heart how I treat people and that’s far from a bitch.
Just raising my hand wondering how the harshness grates on you so much? Im not sure how life is in a monastery but I guess I never envisioned hostile feelings?
All just a discussion! This is your journal for the expression and freedom to say what you’re feeling. Hugs.
This is kind of a confrontational response but Ok part of the discussion might be about why you take offense about something was not aimed at you at all. I’n that same vein if I were to question your own comments sometimes about your male coworkers not behaving or responding the way you would like. See how it goes both ways?
Some people are a$$holes and some are bitches. Why are you trying to run interference for someone who is being nasty to me.? Sorry this caught me at a touchy moment. You’re important to me Nikki but really.
Mark, it was just a discussion.
A monastery is different from a corporation, which I why I was asking!!!!
I am sure there are bitches and assholes everywhere and I know plenty. But in the framework of mental wellness and brother and sisterly love, it’s a fair question don’t you think?
Sorry to have upset you!
Thanks Nikki!!
I think people can just be people no matter the setting
Just throwing that out there
I think we have a picture in our minds of how things should be in a certain setting however Im sure that they can struggle tbe same as the rest of us
Sending out big hugs all around...xo
That’s so true Jan!! We all get that picture in our mind. Sorry Nikki, I appreciate your honest thoughts and opinions. I appreciate yours too Janet!! Have a great day you guys!!
Gosh I am so sorry I was quite angry this morning. Just so you know Nikki, even the Abbess said to me that the relationships here are not perfect. We get angry at each other she said but “anger does not define our relationships” it’s a whole dimensional family.
And I do see your point. In some ways it us very communal and idyllic but still people are people and so hermetically separated, we sometimes get and have to perspectivize what happens here.
Absolutely- anytime humans get together in any capacity there will never be utopia! It reminds me of a friend who had moved far from family and friends, and in an effort to meet new people, she joined a ye church. She was quickly invited to little get togethers and things and was just floored at how gossipy and backstabby and insincere so many of them were as she tried to connect. I guess even though there is an element of spiritual or religious focus, that doesn’t make humans behave in anything other than typical human behavior.
I have found the most healing of places being the ones centered around mental health. There is empathy - and that bridges so many disconnects between people.
I understand now, that woman seems like a difficult person. I was curious and you have answered the curiosity! Its okay to get angry. The good part is working through it to get to understanding and empathy. Hugs and noogies.
Thanks Nikki!! Xx