Things are good

I had a really nice day. I got up late and then was in time for communion down at church.

I did my chores after liturgy and then I had a couple of cups of coffee. I went to paraklesis (sp?).

Then went to first meal. I had some free time after the first meal - and spent much of it

with Blue as well as wrote some Christmas Cards. Then I took the sister and a lodger

into Frederick for shopping and an appointment. I got home at 330p. I dropped

everyone off and came up to my room to take a prn of olanzapine (5 mgs only)

and it was a good idea. After driving so much, I felt like a monster inside.

Really weird but I did the self responsible thing. I knew I needed relief

and the medication was like putting some mental WD40 on the screeching

wheels in my brain - it relaxed me as well.

I went down to meal/food prep and did a bunch of cutting and pealing:).

It's cool to see your work manifest as a big meal the following day.

It feels like bs when you're chopping etc.. but to see it on the dish

really makes it feel meaningful.

Then I took out the compost and the cats' and chicken food.

I really love that part - the cats are so grateful and I love cats.

The chickens are funny too - but I have to admit - I'm really rooting for the cats.

I like to get food to them to help them weather the cold winter temps at night.

Then I took a beat and just caught my breath before going into vespers.

I went into services and did my thng. We went into evening meal

and I have been having a problem the past few weeks. Eating or rather

overeating has become compulsive for me. I finally figured it out though

when I was banging the board signifying the start of compline service.

There's so little control over the schedule I have and then there's no socializing

during the meal (just a reading of at times really crazy religious stuff)

and I just seize on the food as a pacifier and sublimation tool.

I don't mean to sound self pitying or like a broken record when I say this next part - It is just something

I am starting to realize this place is perfect for me and yet what would make it

even better is if I had someone special. That was my raw thought. Now I am bringing

myself to reality in that I have some very very special friends out there. So I came

back to my cell and I was knowing that Blue is my special someone in the here and now and he knows it

and I know I believe he wants to be special to someone as well.

I'm counting my blessings. Things are good. Really glad I took that extra med. It seems to have

really colored me happy, grounded, peaceful and content. :)