things are good.
things are good.
"THE EXPERIENCE" - but
I thought about how we're all having our own experiences
I woke up this morning after an amazing
night of vivid dreams.
After I woke my mind seemed to churn for answers about certain things
I stepped back from that and chose to focus on the idea that
it may be the aspect of just lessons are life - I wondered if it was biological -
what the illness creates within -
I then thought of my brother this morning, when we were growing up,
who when I said I couldn't do something - he would always come back
with yes you can. I would say no - he would say yes -
until finally I cracked - cried - and did what he said he wanted me to do.
I think a lot of siblings pressure each other to get the best out of them.
I thought about that - and then it faded into the background.
It was time for ringing the bell - and getting the chapel ready for service.
I looked around as services commenced and I was feeling hapless,
feckless - and not very good at anything in this setting - but I was heartened
to see that the priests and the deacon made mistakes and blunders and helped each other out
whispering instructions as the service went on. While I was having some stress about my
position there in terms of doing things right or well,
the foibles on display just helped me feel
reassured and filled with peace and caring and freedom
I thought about my ability to keep track and learn the lessons 'of it
all well' enough to carry out the service much like they were doing -
I thought about just kind of stepping back - and seeing we were each
bothered in our own lives with keeping on track with things and also experiencing
the ceremony - and things said harshly or seemed harsh - were not really harsh
at all - we were all getting the work done - and what one may have said to me
at any moment - wasn't anything that had to do with me - like my therapist suggested
last time.
I thought about the transcendental experience I was focusing on more
than conducting the service - and I thought my experience
amongst the others who were also here for things like that -
I don't know if I am here more for the transcendental experience
or for conducting the services- this is something to consider
that I may be meant for one over the other more...
But I thought about my experience about my individual experience
and how I don't have to have
"THE EXPERIENCE" - but
"my own" experience - of this -
I thought about how we're all having our own experiences
and filtering or questioning our experiences in terms of
how to make sense of them..
This helped me a great deal - and woke up within me
a dialogue of understanding my own experience in the context of
others experiences..the differences - and the reassurance.
Things are good - I go to the market in about an hour.
Sending peace and good vibes,
Mark
Replies
dunno how you keep slipping those proverbial nickels into the juke box between my ears, markus questionarius, but you do with remarkable consistency. not that the jukebox between my ears is ever quiet for very long. . . nor does it respect original versions. my psychic orchestras go places physical instruments haven't discovered yet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6l1WHUd7bY
thanks arfie. I am at home now. It was a good day at work. I didn't get everything done...so I am bound to hear about it..
tomorrow is a day off, I go to buy cat supplies, gas and I'll do laundry.
I need to be down to chapel at 645... ring the church bell tower bell at 7am.
lighting the votives and prepping the charcoal and censors. peace.
Really pretty music. thanks!! good night!!