things are good
it came to me the other day I get too caught up in the aesthetics of some things
rather than the pragmatic discourse of how to manage or even make my issues workable.
I mean I do try and do try to but I am realizing the difference between the two pursuits
and more open to the pragmatic right now.
I went to a Yoga class the other day and it inspired me to exercise. Such a lack of physical
activity has made my body like a prison to me. Chubby and so stiff. I am going to limber up - and start working
out again.
After being with my family at Christmas, I really had some time to notice some things in my life.
My family is super talented and strong. I am not so blessed. But I have the perspicacity to
be able to see like my life passing by while all these people and things are around me. People
doing and saying things and me staying silent.
Like the world is meant for strong people - and I happen to have only glimpses of that world
and yet am denied access. I think though really I have to start fighting for what I want and it is definitely
OK to do that - That's what most people do in life - they fight for what they want or aspire to in addition to or
a complement to survival - and it
doesn't come overnight or instantly. I can live with that thought and I can fight for that.
Anyways, things are pretty good. I think my illness and the need to have clarity in a way
that isn't natural has made me feel like my personal life is invalid...and so I haven't developed
an in person, personal life. Haven't had the self value or confidence.
I think it's time I shake that attitude off and start to go for things and relationships
that are about building my life here and now. It's a fight but I think I knew that.
Replies
it's weird if I think of my feelings too much, my world becomes smaller and smaller...it eventually becomes
a prison - and the outside world becomes strange.
Big hug for you sweetie...… I think everyone has inner demons at times even if we don't see them.... I hear you re a small world... Mine has become pretty small to Marky...… I'm glad things are pretty good..... xo
thanks Jan!
I like to think of my feelings as monitors. They can work as indicators of quite allot of living elements.
The word do, indeed, get small if I never look past my monitors. They make better indicators than boundaries.
Thanks arfie!!!
I was sitting here resting, well napping and when I got up, I noticed I was getting kind of whiney. Like I wanted to complain
about my life to someone. That was definitely an indicator to me that I needed to deal with whatever issue was coming at me "on my own." In the past I may have called someone to whimper a bit - if I can find my way that would be awesome.
Mark you are so insightful!
Thanks so much Nester!!! Sending big hugs!