things are good.

and I started to feel like a ne'er do well because I was feeling comfortable and napped a lot today

(I just kind of let it all hang loose today) and started to feel hyper aware of the sense of my limits

and eventually my self esteem started hitting the toilet - I realized I became too dependent

in my mind if that makes/sounds like sense (I just forgot about responsibilities) and I forgot about the prize of being self responsible  

- I wondered why I was so throwing myself out the window as my self judgement.

 

I also felt like the issue for me has been my ability to span two worlds

the interpersonal and my own the past couple of days. It's been more clear to me

about the different ways people approach this as well. 

 

I was browbeating myself too, to clean the house - I'll do that tomorrow 

 - just kicking my butt to do it and embrace it - rather than live like I am living.

 

I know I have to live in a world where I breach other personalities and their likes

and dislikes - and their ways of handling life 

but I also realize we live in a world where there is mutuality in the sense

that we each have the potential to recognize that we all have a way of being self responsible in the particular way we gravitate towards that.

 

I tend to parse things out and try and understand them - but also

try and process them out to realize what happened or what I have to deal with 

in order to move on to back to the responsibilities or job or life at hand. Sometimes I just

need to complain, I've realized.

Some people deal with things differently.

 

Anyways, things are good.. I feel like I have to create a strategy for

how I am going to go for my goals - 

You know how I can get derailed but hope springs eternal

and tenacity is my new choice of virtue while dealing

with all the things in my particular life.