the way the nun's talk to each other

I think the fact that we're all here at the monastery in the name of faith - that we are each trying to believe and

answer questions in our life - and perform our duties - is like a consensus of belief and understanding -

it's also a building block of coexisting - and also a platform as well for living in community - family like -

.

I'll say boldly that a couple of the nuns don't talk to me or each other so nicely - well 3 really - but 

there's one who is totally overwhelmed and is woeful at having to change gears

and talk to anyone it seems - she's 'in flow' constantly- - and shifting gears for talking to someone or anyone

is an 'oh woe is me moment'

  and then there's the nun who i work with behind the iconostasis

who cuts me short all the time - has totally 'all or nothing' thinking - she controls the situation - is NOT A MORNING PERSON

which is WHEN WE WORK AT THE CHAPEL and she never explains workings of being a deacon. She has been in charge of teaching

me what goes on behind the iconostasis but she is a LOUSY teacher and has no sensitivity to teaching.

So I have made embarrasingly slow progress in my competency of the service duties I have. I think it's time for me

to take charge of what I want and need to learn.

But my mind goes back to two things. We can't get along with everyone (we may be can meet some of the folks on some levels

and not others ..so there are sides to folks may set us off.)

and also what's important for me to remember is that we each have our pain in life that . I've heard what she had to contend with

in her formative years with her family - and I guess her pain compels her to just kind of diss everything with a nearly 

instanstaneous 'no' or 'completely wrong' - 'don't think - pray' answer.

I noticed that in myself as well. I was at work yesterday - and I did some shopping after my shift was

over and some young fellas were being nice to me and I didn't know how to respond. I felt totally

respected in their relaxed company and I was like in 'startle response.'

It was something I wasn't ready to be relaxed about - but it did give me a kind of shining of the

flashlight on my own complex.

I think what's coming to me tonight is just that we are living here in a consensus of faith -

and that's making me a little less involved in my emotions but existing now in the commonality of the intellect that's here.

I'm tempted to reflect on the differences these realizations inspired tonight of before and after this realization for what it has given me

- it is kind of the nexus of the two worlds - my own - (ugh why do I do this)

and being with others here - and just having the compassion and empathy in a little bit more of an understanding - in a way that is making sense. I've really come to the feeling of home here.

So I am now faced with the fact that I am living here family style. :) 

I can't believe this is how my life is turning out - but as the Abbess said "Marriage was not for her"

and this place "Holds her heart so well". Please reflecting thoughts!

Things are good, have a good night!