There is light...
I'm almost over the hurdle!! The two hardest written exams are complete (Arabic and Cultural Anthro). I'm not too worried about Sociology, as my professor said, I can likely get a D on the final and still have an A! All that's left after that is talking to the Arabic professor (in Arabic) for 10 minutes!
My daughter took her AP exams this morning. My son's band concert is Tuesday. I think by my birthday on Thursday, we should all be able to breath again!!!
Next projects to try to accomplish before summer classes: Yard sale, planning a dance party to try to bring the various members of our dance community closer and to share styles, and figuring out how to contain puppies!! Yes, we rocked the bottom of the fence because Peatree is a digger, just in time for him to be big enough to actually jump over the current fence!! Beefy is a good puppy and stays where he's supposed to, but that Peatree, I am officially making his middle name "Trouble"!!!
My brother added me on FB (finally ?), so I am going to try to establish a new relationship with him...as long as it doesn't put me in a bad space of being in the middle or receptor to his angst.
My out of towner guy is going to be in town for my birthday. He has agreed to finance my "girl's night out" and act as designated driver for anyone who needs one so that I can relax and decompress from finals without worries as my gift!!
I have discovered since I have been dating a little bit that I have this strange feeling that I'm a user, that I shouldn't accept kindness, help or anything! That's BAD!!! I know that I'm not a user. In fact, I know that this is suppose to be normal!! It's actually normal to not drain yourself trying to be all and everything to someone else!!!! It's normal for someone to make a kind offer that helps you out! It's normal for someone to just like and respect you and to still ask you out when you are cranky from class, tired from kids and to just find a little enjoyment in the companionship!!
This is my epiphany for tonight. It's a healthier friendship/relationship to actually have someone care for you every once in awhile instead of constantly tiptoeing around trying to supply at all times and at such horrifying costs to yourself!!
And yes, that just hit me as I was journaling this seemingly mundane journal. Wow!!
My daughter took her AP exams this morning. My son's band concert is Tuesday. I think by my birthday on Thursday, we should all be able to breath again!!!
Next projects to try to accomplish before summer classes: Yard sale, planning a dance party to try to bring the various members of our dance community closer and to share styles, and figuring out how to contain puppies!! Yes, we rocked the bottom of the fence because Peatree is a digger, just in time for him to be big enough to actually jump over the current fence!! Beefy is a good puppy and stays where he's supposed to, but that Peatree, I am officially making his middle name "Trouble"!!!
My brother added me on FB (finally ?), so I am going to try to establish a new relationship with him...as long as it doesn't put me in a bad space of being in the middle or receptor to his angst.
My out of towner guy is going to be in town for my birthday. He has agreed to finance my "girl's night out" and act as designated driver for anyone who needs one so that I can relax and decompress from finals without worries as my gift!!
I have discovered since I have been dating a little bit that I have this strange feeling that I'm a user, that I shouldn't accept kindness, help or anything! That's BAD!!! I know that I'm not a user. In fact, I know that this is suppose to be normal!! It's actually normal to not drain yourself trying to be all and everything to someone else!!!! It's normal for someone to make a kind offer that helps you out! It's normal for someone to just like and respect you and to still ask you out when you are cranky from class, tired from kids and to just find a little enjoyment in the companionship!!
This is my epiphany for tonight. It's a healthier friendship/relationship to actually have someone care for you every once in awhile instead of constantly tiptoeing around trying to supply at all times and at such horrifying costs to yourself!!
And yes, that just hit me as I was journaling this seemingly mundane journal. Wow!!
Replies
The finishing of the semester studies sounds just great. Congrats on accomplishing those classes and best to you in terms of the 10 talk.
The party for dancers sound excellent.
I see thing differently in terms of the assistance one of your dates. I don\'t see you as a user ... but that happen to folks who are used to being the assistant and not the assisted/ The receiver rather than the giver. It is one of those things to get out of the discomfort of the old patter ... in that one becomes in tune with receiving. I had to go through that and some times still do.
But, what I mean by seeing it different is that when people give and I receive the gift how ever graciously, gifts are in general NOT FREE... they have a string attached.
so for me ... I look at the gifts people bring to the budding friendship/relationship and measure if it is appropriate for the current climate of the relationship. No matter that I am not rolling in the cash, I would not be able to accept the financial part of the gift that you describe and the other half I would not be available to receive because I would want to set firm boundaries in that my party would be something I create independently to cultivate that space in my life. I wouldn\'t want a man stepping in to assist me financially but the offer would be appreciated just too much if the relationship was say a month or even two months old. Kiss or no kiss.In fact sex or no sex it would be a foundation to the potential future of the relationship.
so, I see the gifts and premature. Remember the giver of the gift is the one in the power position. I don\'t know that you have heard about this but giving a gift is an assertive action and requires the other person to be receptive. Being receptive is making a statement about how one is presently involved with a person. It also is a statement on boundaries. How close is this person to you.
Not sure of all your experiences in the past but mine have been such that when a man begins getting into my projects... be it social or personal , i give that person a power. Not that the person will mis use the power but that it is a message that begins the process of intimacy.
Picking and choosing what gifts are acceptable would be what I find important. If you are dating several men then accepting this gift is allowing this guy to have more room in your life. A person doesn\'t give that kind of gift with out the goal of stepping in on the level of taking care of the woman. Of course the taking care of and assistance if fine but if I was seeing several men I would not want to make a commitment to receiving the kinds of gifts you are being offered. They seem too close if I was dating other men.
Seems more like the kind of gift one would give after 3 months of dating and if I was only dating one man.
What i mean by power is that by accepting the gift you are allowing this person a space in your life that was not there before and are you ready to commit to that kind of space. I think this is the main point.
I also know that descent men enjoy being needed and of use or importance to a woman. so when accepting a gift you are reciprocating by accepting. You give him the message of his importance.
None of this is right or wrong just that it depends on where you are at in terms of involvement. Are you ready for the next level, a closer boundary?
Thank you for the thoughts on reception and boundaries. I have started to notice this as I actually start receiving instead of always giving. It is still an uncomfortable feeling for me. But I have noticed, it varies depending on where my boundaries are with the person. With the short guy, I do not feel open to accepting anything outside of the normal realm of just meeting/dating. In fact, with him, I feel strange even ordering an expensive meal or drink! With the guy that I\'ve known for a few years, but never actually dated before, I don\'t feel so worried about accepting a nice meal or extra drink.
The situation with the out of town guy is a little unique because he has been a close friend of my cousin for almost 30 years. Her birthday is the day after mine, so the girls night out is a bit of a combined effort. It just didn\'t feel so weird to accept his offer and to view it as more a friendly offer that is helping out my cousin, as well, not just me.
Of course, we have also been clear with one another that I\'m not ready for anything serious and that he travels so much it makes serious not an option at this time, and that we both are dating other people, as well.
I appreciate your comments. I knew it was feeling different to me overall trying new paths, and even different depending on the person, but hadn\'t delved into the whys of it since I really just put my finger on it last night!! I will definitely keep your insights in mind as I am just now enforcing some of these boundaries and trying out my new patterns in real life scenarios!
You sure take some hard classes girl. Happy Mother\'s Day and hopefully I will remember to wish you a happy birthday as well!!!