Therapy Goal IV
The warm glow of the magical weekend with Hubs and GS is fissuring far enough into other, less idyllic cracks in my life to create some gratitude that I had prepped my Manic Euphoria tools. My herstorical tendency is attempting to force a success in one arena into other arenas of my broken life. This symptom targeted the newly dubbed Assistant Beekeeper (AB) last night and ? ? ? I believe I was able to back off before any real damage was done, but. . . Inventory still pending. Works in progress. . . I believe she recognized ^it^ as a natural result of the isolation here more quickly than I did.
This morning finds me whelmed by that isolation. Again. Big suprise, huh? Plying therapy tools while I wait for solutions to manifest. Reviewing the magical weekend seems to be heightening the sense of isolation. Solutions were presented during the discussions between Hubs and I, but he is still an over-worked, two-job executive and ALL of the solutions we discussed held him in the starring role, squeezed in between the yaddahs of his busy life. Two weeks of a busy life move far differently than two weeks in isolation, regardless of what a Manic Euphoria or work-a-holic promise might lead me to believe. Under the influence of Manic Euphoria, I can believe that a flying saucer is going to be stopping any minute to take me to my perfect world.
Holding steady, I think. Plying therapy tools.
Replies
I have some tools that you can borrow ;-)
Please do share. . . Listening. . .
I have a screw driver, a tape dispenser to tape up broken things...... I also have glue. Lots of glue.
The screwdriver in my ear didn't work so good when I tried it. Thinking about pulling the duct tape and glue varnish off my mouth long enough to see if I will get better results from a torque wrench down my throat.
Thank you for the validation, Chris. Most of my therapy support network thinks that approach qualifies me for what is currently being called a Self-harm Support Group.
Ah the torque wrench. A great tool. However I don't have one. I go by the German guide to tightness..... Gutentight!
If you need a torque wrench, I am at your service, Sir. Even the most traditional of my construction co-workers had to pause for some covetous envy of my tool collection. My oldest toolbox is Sharpie(tm) doodled with the graffiti: "Mom's Purse and she knows how to swing it. No borrowing."
My youngest son carried that toolbox to the car for me once and teased, "I don't see how even *My* mom could swing this purse."
I responded, "Knowing how doesn't always make it easy."
Not to get all Oddball Boss on you, but the "Gutentight" measure has resulted in many a stripped thread. . . Please borrow my torque wrench. It'll help keep the Gutentights on the wimp side of stripped threads and unnecessary labor.
I spend a lot of time alone and yet I go to work too. Work seems to provide a fulcrum for my 'self' though I sometimes have invasive thoughts... when work is done... transitioning to alone time isn't always easy...and you've seenit .. my mind goes big and blank in awe of the world at large, thinking that others don't struggle with the definers they need to get on with 'their personal day' - but I see it's really something we all go through arfie! and you're doing great!! I saw a really interesting documentary on the Swedish narrative for their own self image - that it's creating havoc with the reality they're actually living. I really want to support you arfie and I apologize that I am opining my own stuff here. It's what I am thinking about now...that in my alone time - when I get off from work - I think I struggle to live as I'd like myself to be... support tools sometimes are the radio, the television, the refrigerator hehe. But I am feeling empowered today for some reason - and I hope you are too.
You're right that alone time when at work vs when you're alone pass differently - I will find the documentary and send it to you. Peace and good vibes arfie!!
Apology NOT accepted Mark. Please let me thank you for the thoughtful reflection. It feels possible that this is a good branch to explore during this round of psychopations. Chewing. . .
I retired from my last career gig in 1995. I've missed the work-a-day world often enough to have gotten more than one job since then, but. . . I am still not sure if I quit those jobs because of my mental illness or because the housewoofin work really is the noble occupation it feels like when that work is being neglected. But that work ceased to be a healthy full-time job somewhere during my youngest son's HS years. Housewoofin for adult children feels downright toxic.
I hit a pretty vicious snot knot here. Gonna take some time to pull gently on the threads tangled in the snot knot.
Thank you again for the thoughtful reflection, Mark.
Isolation..., sometimes that feels like the bane of my existence..., other times I can’t get enough of it. But I feel a lot the same most of the time.
Isolation for me really is an issue, even though I’m not actually alone. Or isolated all the time. But in recent years, the friend list has steadily dwindled away as many are too far away it feel like they’ve gone to Mars without me. Every move we’ve made has made it harder to find connections, to make friends.
So isolation is definitely something I feel a lot lately and for me it wrecks havoc on my ability to get rid of it. Any time I have to interact with another human being outside of my husband, daughters, and my mother, even if it’s the rest of my family, isolation for the past few years has made me want to sew my mouth shut, & sharp out my brain with a melon baller because of how my mouth & brain go completely for a joy ride without thinking about the consequences. I get around people and suddenly I can be a normal communicator. I babble & I “TMFI” beyond what is conceivably possible, and I definitely feel a whole frustrating onset of every psychosis take control over me.
But it’s just my experience..., not sure if it’s relevant as today my comprehension ability went out the window and is playing with the fishies in the sky. It’s another “which way did my brain go? Which way did it go?” day.
Hugs & support Arfie.
My strongest lessons in isolation were studied in the back of station wagons for long, uncertain days and weeks with 10 siblings and whatever hangers-on were in the mix. I isolate in a crowd far more reflexively than I do when I am alone. I have even fancied that invisibility is my superpower. That *superpower* got some rough treatment in my psychotherapy rooms.
The remote location is only one of many factors at play here and not even the meanest factor in my personal, just-a-patient guesstimation.
Triple hugs of support