Therapy Again Tomorrow

Tomorrow I have to wake up early and go to therapy. I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part, but I know I need to go to therapy, so it's for the best. I'm still getting those headaches... I don't know what to do about them. I need to go see the doctor, but I don't want to have to wait for an appointment. I guess one day I can wake up early and go to the walk-in clinic, but I don't want to wake up early. I guess the next time I wake up early and I have energy I can go in. I can also make an appointment and see just in case. I don't know how I'm going to pay for everything I have to, I need to see the doctors and everything this month... I might have to go to the hospital with the way my moods have been changing lately. I don't want to, I would rather go to the doctor, but I can't afford it. If I go into the hospital, then Medicaid will pay for it. I guess I will just talk to my therapist about it tomorrow, what she thinks the best option is for me.
The mood swings have continued. Last night I was hypomanic and I couldn't sleep until I took some klonopin, and then today I had trouble getting out of bed. I didn't want to go to work and actually went in late since I was having trouble getting up. Well, I could get out of bed, I just was dizzy when I would walk around since I was so tired. I didn't take any more klonopin than I did on any other night, so I know it's not the klonopin that was making me tired. I call them mood swings, but they are more of energy swings since I don't feel the mood swings that come along with them. I know there are mood swings back there in the back of my head somewhere, but I just don't feel them. It's weird to know you are feeling something but not feeling it at the same time.
I'm having trouble thinking with this headache. It's not like the normal ones where I can think okay, but it just hurts physically. The pain is causing me to be unable to focus. I'm trying to type with my eyes closed since that blocks out some of the light and hopefully that will help. I guess this one is a migraine and I should take some aspirin to go with the Tylenol I just took. The light is bothering my eyes, but I know better than to try and type by the light of the laptop since that will just give me more of a headache. I think something cool on my forehead will help. I sure hope I'm not getting sick. I can't afford to take any more sick days from work. Today I was late, but only by a couple minutes so it wasn't that bad.
I think I'm just going to keep this journal shorter. Food today was bad... I'm not even at half my daily calories (I'm at about 750). I just can't eat more. Tomorrow should be better since I'm going to try and get Subway to up my calories. There's 750 calories in the sandwich alone, so I should be okay on calories tomorrow. It's funny how I say my food was bad when I'm low on calories, but I don't know what else to call it. Stress was moderate today... at work I was hot for a bit so I was just wearing a tank top, and I got called into the office about it. It wasn't a big deal, but I hate being called into the office for anything, so I got stressed. My temperature gauge internally is so off... I'm cold at 70 but hot at 75 sometimes, or cold at 75 and still under the covers at 80. Sleep last night was good, despite me wanting more of it. I didn't wake up too much and slept deep. Mood today has been okay, just fighting off this internal depression that I know is hiding back there somewhere.  

Replies

ann54
ann54

yup, that sounds like a migraine. do you get migraines often, if so, they have a special med to take to help in not getting them. you are going to have to make a decision, as to get up earlier and get to the clinic or wait to see a doctor. sounds to me the pain is enough to get up earlier. you can always nap later. keep fighting the depression, and hopefully it wont emerge, keep up with the good moods, so much better. hugss