here at the monastery - ways and strength

The monastery has definitely taught me that everyone has their ways of doing things and perhaps because of the religious context

I am finding within others there is a righteousness with which they communicate that way. I have found within me a sense of my weaknesses but

also have noticed within me too a kind of righteous sense of destiny that's been surfacing in the background.

So again it seems here everyone thinks they know the right thing to do, in terms of the ceremony and their sense of 

their obligation aka the right way to do things. Because of the stress here and all the different levels of competence

and character there's a real sense of conflict when communicating. People really go for the kill with any topic.

I believe in the goodness of sensitivity to the way we want things and treat people and yet also then the strength to enforce or manifest it.

Ultimately each of us has to be capable and strong enough to get 'your way' done. There's argument and compromise.

But I realize things are not so simple....I am finding around here that sensitivity, to others here and to the sisters is not the be all and end all

of their modus operandi for all I've previously mentioned...having the muscle to get things done too is important.

There's a big karate chop that comes with it and it makes me want to spend even more time

in my room. But I can't. It's teaching me to be tough but also stand for what I believe in.

I don't know where I am going. They can be abusive here and it can feel like I have no option - which

is opening empathetic ideas within me for others.

but again it is teaching me to be stronger and so maybe I am finding I can weather another future kind of storm.