The will to keep trying???
I find myself nearing the end of this marriage. I feel I can only ask what more can I do to help? Sure I can see the mistakes I made and attempt to change but when I dont feel the willingness to forgive and focus on the repairing I find it hardest to stay positive and change. I know I should give 100% and expect nothing in return but how does one do this when it feels it doesn't make a difference? Actions speak louder than words and for many years my words have torn her apart. In return she built walls around her and shut down. I dont see how working on only ourselves and shelving the couples aspect. I do understand each person must learn how to identify themselves through IC. But if there is no willingness to dialogue together how can one be expected to meet the needs of the other?
I am ready to throw in the towel. Many say we can't quit until you can walk away with no negative feelings. I still feel the nagative feelings.
I am ready to throw in the towel. Many say we can't quit until you can walk away with no negative feelings. I still feel the nagative feelings.
Replies
It is so hard to know when it\'s time o give up.
What would she say if you asked \'will you commit to not cheating while I try to make up for/ change my behaviour?\' I mean, she\'s sticking around so far right? Is she waiting around to see what you will accomplish in your personal work?
I\'ve been on the fence with my husband for years, with no good option for leaving and thinking that as long as I can\'t get out I might as well make the best of staying in.
Maybe she could try to see it that way?
I really don\'t know. She tells me she is just confused and doesn\'t know what she wants. She tells me to prove myself to her by my actions as my promises to change mean little since I always back slide. I too am confused because I feel like everything is a test. Even if I answer a single question corretly I still will fail by missing another. I feel this rebuilding thing is atleast 50/50. Ok if am a verbal abuser and she a cheater then we both have obvious issues that each needs to correct in order to trust and feel safety within the marriage. When I attempt to open up and show vulnerability she goes into shutdown mode. Will not speak a word. Answering with I don\'t know. There is definety now way I feel that she will enter into a conversation about cheating. Maybe other than getting defensive and making statements about being a horrible person. Right now I feel I have to wait on her to approach me and it kills me. The hardest thing for me to do is to try and change when I feel there is but negativity or body language saying to me dont even try. But she is in the house. Its such a crazy cycle here in crazy town!!