the way my mind is

I was driving into Frederick earlier, on my way to get a haircut and a beard trim,

and I started to think about the last journal entry I made. About how I was seeing through 

the storm - accepting that I can look past the dissonance and choose happy and see beauty.

There's a mix of positive and negative feelings with me but over all, I have the power to

keep looking beyond my nose and appreciating the life that is happening all around me,

that life I am a part of, and it's all so wonderful.

I also started to think about how the internal dissonance of my condition, my entire adult life, has

shaped the way I prepared for life, how I planned for life, even the way I took care of life. I always seemed

to be 'in the moment' - taking care of just what came my way.. What was in my immediate

perimeter as well as the immediate sense of my desires. I had a very hard time - stopping

and thinking and making plans for my future. 

I think what is awakening with me - is the power to look past this noise in my mind - the noise

of my life - and start to be able to think beyond the initial moment - I will live in a world

of both the immediate as well as the longer term plans - about a life positive direction-

The battle with my condition now has me seeing beyond 'whack a mole' with wisdoms generated

from every day upsets, to looking farther along the path of where my efforts are taking me -

what I am planning for.

This is really helpful!