THE VOICES IN MY HEAD WONT GO AWAY...
WELL EVERYDAY I HOPE MY JOURNAL WOULD GET A LITTLE HAPPIER BUT I GUESS ITS JUST NOT MY TURN TO BE IN A GOOD MOOD..I AM STRESSING SO MUCH ON DREAMING AND WANTING A NEW BEGINNING FILLED WITH LAUGHTER,LOVE,HAPPINESS AND STABILITY FOR ME AND MY KIDS ITS DRIVEING ME INSANE....I TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHERE WE CAN LIVE AND HOW TO PAY FOR IT BUT NO ANSWERS COME TO ME....ACUALLY I KNOW I CAN GET SOME HELP FROM THE STATE BUT WHO WILL RENT TO A SINGLE MOM WITH FOUR KIDS AND A SHIT LOAD OF PETS WITH NO REAL INCOME....NO ONE IN THIS AREA THATS FOR SURE....MY HUSBAND GETS DISABILITY ,SO IF AND WHEN I LEAVE THERE WILL BE NO CHILD SUPPORT OR ANY HELP FROM HIM BUT HEY WHATS NEW HE HAS NEVER DONE A DAMN THING FOR THIS FAMILY ALL THESE YEARS SO WHAT WOULD I EXPECT....IT JUST SEEMS EVERYDAY I GET MORE AND MORE DEPPRESSED AND FARTHER IN MY SHELL...I FEEL LIKE THE HELPLESS CHILD AGAIN GROWING UP IN MY ALCOHOLIC FAMILY.....I DONT KNOW WHERE THAT INDEPENDANT ,TAKE NO SHIT PERSON THAT I USED TO BE WENT???? I FEEL SO BAD BECAUSE MY ASSHOLE HUSBANDS LEAVEING AND DRINKING EVERYDAY HAS PUT ME SO MUCH ON EDGE THAT I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR THE KIDS AND I SEEM TO BE ALWAYS YELLING OR LOCKING MYSELF IN MY ROOM....THAT IS NOT THE KIND OF PERSON I WANT TO BE......I AM WAITING FOR A MIRACLE.....MY DOCTORS HAVE GIVEN ME SEVERAL PILLS TO TAKE AND THE THING IS I DONT WANT ANY.......I FEEL THAT I HAVE TO KEEP MY MIND ABOUT ME .....ITS LIKE I HAVE TO STAY GUARD BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHATS COMEING NEXT...I KNOW I SOUND CRAZY,I HAVE TO SOME HOW PULL MYSELF FROM THIS DEEP HOLE BEFORE I COMPLETELY DROWN...
Replies
Just take one day at a time. That is all you can do. (((HUGGS)))
I am sorry it continues to be so painful to be stuck where you find yourself. I hope you will be able to find faith that taking a step away from the bad situation will lead to another step away and the destination will start to take shape. Right now, it is hard to see the future, but two things are obvious. The status quo sucks and should not be tolerated, and change is essential. What isn\'t clear is what the future will look like. Another thing that is clear is the future has to be better than the status quo. So I return to faith. Prayers coming from all of us to give you faith and an answer to your prayers.
Hey honey you sound like me. I only wish the best for you and your children. You can pull yourself out this hole. Something thats worked for me (sometimes) was trying to remain positive...it\'s hard but you can do it just find something to be happy about even it\'s a little thing or a silly thing and stay with it. It\'ll give you positive engery. It doesnt always work, but i thought i\'d pass it along. It sucks when the person you love hurts you the most, idk about your hubby but i think mine is running away from something and leaving home drinking is simply a cover to mask up his real feelings...you never know with guys, but dont\'t fret over him. Focus on yourself. (((((big hugs))))))) Your a great person Tammy and each day i pray for you!