the truth about me
I went to work this morning and work went well.
I found myself just enjoying the work and getting it done,
well and quickly.
I started to have thoughts - reminders to cope with the ups and downs...
from those interactions which were 'spikey' and as well my inner energy which can undermine me
at times - if I let it and them - if I don't put all of that into an understanding of appreciating it
and getting on with the work in front of me....
But I also realized, with the those spikey moments, they were working on another level..
in my own insecurity, desire and need for connection, I was interpreting the spikes
as moments that told 'the truth about me', like the REAL TRUTH, the greater truth..
and that's a habit I am starting to give up and learning how to manage...and recognize....
I think when at work and when outside of work I look for things that tell me
who I am and so I think it's best that I stick to my mind to the moment I am in
and dealing with things in my power and focus...kind of 'stay in my own lane.'
I acknowledge that I have been getting so hyper neurotic lately because I have
been looking for that determination - for the sense of ID and love - in places that have been
upsetting me...
and I need to stick to the pragmatic and mostly positive - as I have been focusing wrongly on the negative
being the ultimate fear and truth - so I'll keep in my own lane - and keep on
peace and thanks,
Mark
Replies
What a gentle soul you are Mark.
You are doing so well to bring together a life for yourself which has purpose and meaning, to fill your days and to give back to the community at large through your 'tree people' :) and now starting a new adventure with the museum volunteering.
Yes, there are times with going off track, that is a daily occurrence for most people....disability or not! I think for me the years I spent in deep depression, apathy etc were some of the loneliest times in my life, despite having John. I only found acceptance of myself around 60, and really only just started to actually 'like' myself within the last couple of years through again, acceptance of what 'is' and not thinking the 'should do' which constantly made me feel badly about myself..
I wish we lived near by each other...like so many of my ds friends...
Thanks Mary Louise:) I so appreciate it.
i love onion analogies for revealing GREAT TRUTHS. every layer i unwrap reveals another layer to make me cry.
i'm not quite sure how, but your "spikes" are reminding me of that meditation i shared recently on vanity. other people's moods are seldom about me, even when i happen to get in the way of their problem. it is one of those many places where humility really can be liberating.
so opineth the arf. . .
if the arf thunk it, it must be so. . .
You’re doing marvelously! Sending peace - it’s another heavy workday here and I have an enormous headache. The weekend is almost upon us….
thanks arfie! thanks nikki!