The Tear Down
This is a cry for help to anyone who will help. I have gone through so many things that I have not faced head on yet from my past. I surpress time and time again and use it as a crutch when I get hurt and shut down. This is going to be the most painful journey I am going to go on but it's long over due.
The situation: I have fallen in love so deep with a man who makes my heart burst into a million pieaces over and over when I am not near. He makes me lose all thought process yet makes my heart and mind race all at the same time.
The problem: I have too many built up things within my past that makes me hate myself at times. I often use the fear of that against him which makes me say things I do not mean. Sometimes a situation feels "fimilar" and I shut down very quickly when I should open up. He's lost trust in me and I feel he is losing faith in me and US now as well. I know from every partical in my bones I love him and want him as my husband in the future but the only one hurting that chance right now is me because I am not comfortable with myself enough to be able to let lose and love him the way my heart keeps telling me too. I'm being too serious and it's hurting us both.
The goal: The goal is to be able to tackle the past head on. All the problems that I have faced and be able to forgive myself and get back to who I really am and a place where I am able to free myself from the chains I have been put into. I want to be free within myself so that I can give my doll all of me and nothing but the best with no baggage included.
Why am I doing this: I am doing this because I'm tired of the same disapointment with myself. I want to be able to get up in the morning and say "I love my life and I'm not scared of anything anymore. The past was the past."
This man is the love of my life and I'm so sick and tired of myself because I'm messing everything and I cannot take it anymore. I know that I have many problems and if I dont break my problems down and face the past I'm going to lose everything.
Please anyone. Help me free myself from this. It's going to take time to tear down and rebuild, I do understand this but I cannot give him all that I know this man deserves until I am free within myself.
The situation: I have fallen in love so deep with a man who makes my heart burst into a million pieaces over and over when I am not near. He makes me lose all thought process yet makes my heart and mind race all at the same time.
The problem: I have too many built up things within my past that makes me hate myself at times. I often use the fear of that against him which makes me say things I do not mean. Sometimes a situation feels "fimilar" and I shut down very quickly when I should open up. He's lost trust in me and I feel he is losing faith in me and US now as well. I know from every partical in my bones I love him and want him as my husband in the future but the only one hurting that chance right now is me because I am not comfortable with myself enough to be able to let lose and love him the way my heart keeps telling me too. I'm being too serious and it's hurting us both.
The goal: The goal is to be able to tackle the past head on. All the problems that I have faced and be able to forgive myself and get back to who I really am and a place where I am able to free myself from the chains I have been put into. I want to be free within myself so that I can give my doll all of me and nothing but the best with no baggage included.
Why am I doing this: I am doing this because I'm tired of the same disapointment with myself. I want to be able to get up in the morning and say "I love my life and I'm not scared of anything anymore. The past was the past."
This man is the love of my life and I'm so sick and tired of myself because I'm messing everything and I cannot take it anymore. I know that I have many problems and if I dont break my problems down and face the past I'm going to lose everything.
Please anyone. Help me free myself from this. It's going to take time to tear down and rebuild, I do understand this but I cannot give him all that I know this man deserves until I am free within myself.
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