the t-shirt
Dear Aaron,
I finally found a t-shirt worn by you, not washed so that it still smells like you. I know that sounds weird but its something I'd been questing for since that day. Since you were washing your clothes on the day you died, I thought I'd never find one. I found it in the place you spent your last moments...but let me go back.
My little bratty sister came to town with her husband and her little girl. Staying at my parents house too. Everything you thought of her and said about her is so completely true. She was rude and ugly to our special needs child and it broke whatever was left of my world. I advocated for my son just like you would have...And now I guess I ruined the princess's vacation. Aaron I miss you now more than ever for being the only one on my side...for standing up for our son. Being his only advocate now, is so overwhelming.
One could hope that since I now don't have you, my bratty sister could be empathetic...but hoping is too much to ask for. I could almost hear you say "Why are you surprised?! She's a ---!"
Its amazing how much I see through your eyes now. I went to our home like I do every Sunday, with the kids. I wanted to avoid my parents house and even thought I would stay there over night which I have not yet done since that day. I went into the garage where you spent so much of your time...The wall with your tools all displayed. The desk you put in there to make an office space, along with posters and projects. The piano you wanted to get rid of that I wouldn't let you get rid of, sat in the garage. On the floor pushed under the piano was the t-shirt I had been looking for. It was the shirt I last saw you wearing. It was the megadeth shirt you got when you saw them live a few years ago. When I saw that it was cut down the middle I then realized that you left earth in that shirt and they cut it off you...I don't think I'd ever wept like that before. I could see in my mind how all of it happened that day. I am so sad that you're gone, more than words can actually describe. In my heart is an abyss. And here you thought that I didn't care about you. You were SO infinitely wrong. I still love you very much.
Love,
me
I finally found a t-shirt worn by you, not washed so that it still smells like you. I know that sounds weird but its something I'd been questing for since that day. Since you were washing your clothes on the day you died, I thought I'd never find one. I found it in the place you spent your last moments...but let me go back.
My little bratty sister came to town with her husband and her little girl. Staying at my parents house too. Everything you thought of her and said about her is so completely true. She was rude and ugly to our special needs child and it broke whatever was left of my world. I advocated for my son just like you would have...And now I guess I ruined the princess's vacation. Aaron I miss you now more than ever for being the only one on my side...for standing up for our son. Being his only advocate now, is so overwhelming.
One could hope that since I now don't have you, my bratty sister could be empathetic...but hoping is too much to ask for. I could almost hear you say "Why are you surprised?! She's a ---!"
Its amazing how much I see through your eyes now. I went to our home like I do every Sunday, with the kids. I wanted to avoid my parents house and even thought I would stay there over night which I have not yet done since that day. I went into the garage where you spent so much of your time...The wall with your tools all displayed. The desk you put in there to make an office space, along with posters and projects. The piano you wanted to get rid of that I wouldn't let you get rid of, sat in the garage. On the floor pushed under the piano was the t-shirt I had been looking for. It was the shirt I last saw you wearing. It was the megadeth shirt you got when you saw them live a few years ago. When I saw that it was cut down the middle I then realized that you left earth in that shirt and they cut it off you...I don't think I'd ever wept like that before. I could see in my mind how all of it happened that day. I am so sad that you're gone, more than words can actually describe. In my heart is an abyss. And here you thought that I didn't care about you. You were SO infinitely wrong. I still love you very much.
Love,
me
Replies
So sorry you are going through all of this. You probably have already heard of The Autism Society. They usually have chapters in most areas. They can offer support for you, and also help advocate for your son, with advice and education for schools and family members. Unless a family member or friend has lost a spouse, they are clueless about how much pain we go through. Without that perspective, they can be completely insensitive to you, at the time you need them the most. Keep leaning on all of us here, who know how it feels to lose the closest person in the world to you. Prayers for you and the children today;
Robert