the stutter
since around 2008 in ecuador, i have cut down considerably on how often i use the tools which helped me join the conversational world during my early adolescance in the late 60's. within that linguistic/cultural/lifestyle collision, my quiet voice gently inserted one of those whispered commands to "relearn your first language."
???????huh???????? detail please.
relearn your first language.
?????que diablos significa este? what the fuck does THAT mean?
relearn your first language.
one of the ways i know my quiet voice from all my other head noises is from the profoundly simple and persistent consistency. however much i beg, plead, demand, hit or miss, the command never changes. i'll be delighted to go some rounds of fisticuffs with you, kiddo while you figure ^it^ out. we can play other games, too, but ^it^ be yours to sort.
at present, i am wondering if that stutter is my friend. it alerts me to the need to ? ? ? back off? ? ? take some think time? ? ? chew well before swallowing? is it possible that when i listen to my stutter i am avoiding that escalation into hyperexpression?
14 years since i abandoned my last attempt at a college degree. . . el tiempo se vuele. . .
today the mood icon is squarely on okay. 14 years qualifies as a long, slow chew. we see what grows. sorting. . .
Replies
I'm sorry you didn't get to finish your degree. You seem like you are so inquisitive and interested in life
and a college degree so much enriches people who are. I stutter sometimes too.
It's my anxiety - my hands shake, I stammer... eh for me I've just finally compartmentalized that it's
a wonderful part of me. :)
Sending peace and good mojo.
Gentle hug while you sort Arf.... I'm glad that today is at least okay.... xo
that absence of a degree was actually an advantage during my tech career in the 70's, 80's and 90's. in the 70's, when i was single and had that juicy gi bill in my pocket, computer science programs were still few and far between. tech was evolving fast enough that anything which was covered in the freshman year would be obsolete by the time you earned your bachelor of science degree. certifications were the way to go. i have a whole basket of tech certificates nobody has ever heard of here in the 21st century.
i was nearly adolescent when i started talking. i could read and write fluently long before i trusted myself to speak a complete sentence. more than half a century later, i still prefer reading and writing over conversating. my early delayed speech development remains as much a medical mystery as my hearing weirds. insert preferred theory here. my personal favorite theory is psychosomatic. even as a two year old it was easy to see that little of what is said is worth listening to and not too many folks are listening when i do take the time and effort to talk. what's the point to either listening or talking?
Hola
I stutter too sometimes mainly when I’m having my ‘i cant speak Spanish or English good enough moments’ Or also if Im in a heightened anxiety state; or if I feel like I’m dealing with someone that isn’t really even tryin to hear me out anyway. Especially around medical providers .... but oddly enough if they have a more warm empathic aura about them I’m less likely to stutter
Big hugs <3
* you sound like you were a super intuitive 2 year old, actually I think a lot of kids are but a lot of adults don’t seem to catch on to it.
... alright I’m gonna shut my yap cause I’m not firing on all cylinders today
(((((Abrazos)))))) <3