The stupid freakin meds
So I tried the depakote and felt awful. I mean awful. Chest tightness,stuffy nose,bad body aches,just generally felt awful. Plus I barely slept and it's suppose to cause you to be drowsy. It made my body ache but did nothing to shut my mind off. I called the doctor and when they called back they said it shouldn't have that effect on me. John and my mom want me to try it for a few days but I'm not sure I'm willing to feel like that again. I took it at 3am last night and didn't get out of bed until 1:30 pm. I felt awful.
Tomorrow I see Stephanie at 2 then the neurologist at 4. I don't feel like doing either. I've been so lazy and depressed this week and I'm pretty sure my POTS was flaring up. I feel awful for saying this but I wish the damn disability would have gone through. I have that and the bankrupcty pushing me to a not good place. I need to just file the bankrupcty and get it over with. I'm waiting to see the eye specialist to get checked for glaucoma. The lawyer said to make sure I'm not having any major surgeries or medical procedures before I file. My luck he will say I need eye surgery.
I can't really grasp how my life has fallen apart the last year. I hate it. My new p doc seems to think me working 60 hours a week hid my bi polar so to speak. That since I was also on the go and my mind was spinning I didn't have time to crash into depression ever. So is he basically saying I was hypomanic for 4 years straight? That makes no sense to me. I was only on trazodone and slept different schedules and I was FINE. I had my own house,paid my own bills,enjoyed life,kept things organized,etc. now I can't focus and go from crying to being pissed off all the time.
I guess it makes sense that my mind was sick when I was working and my body was so busy it kept pusing my mind to be ok? I just don't get it. I'm reading the bi polar 2 workbook Stephanie suggested. Maybe I'll find some answers in there. I just don't get it. If I'm bipolar 2 why do all these meds make me feel worse?? Sometimes I think I just need a straight up sleep med. Insomnia has always been my biggest struggle. The doctor said it's like the chicken and the egg scenario for people who are bi polar. You either have insomnia because you're hypomanic or insomnia causes episodes. Wtf. So frustrating.
Tomorrow I see Stephanie at 2 then the neurologist at 4. I don't feel like doing either. I've been so lazy and depressed this week and I'm pretty sure my POTS was flaring up. I feel awful for saying this but I wish the damn disability would have gone through. I have that and the bankrupcty pushing me to a not good place. I need to just file the bankrupcty and get it over with. I'm waiting to see the eye specialist to get checked for glaucoma. The lawyer said to make sure I'm not having any major surgeries or medical procedures before I file. My luck he will say I need eye surgery.
I can't really grasp how my life has fallen apart the last year. I hate it. My new p doc seems to think me working 60 hours a week hid my bi polar so to speak. That since I was also on the go and my mind was spinning I didn't have time to crash into depression ever. So is he basically saying I was hypomanic for 4 years straight? That makes no sense to me. I was only on trazodone and slept different schedules and I was FINE. I had my own house,paid my own bills,enjoyed life,kept things organized,etc. now I can't focus and go from crying to being pissed off all the time.
I guess it makes sense that my mind was sick when I was working and my body was so busy it kept pusing my mind to be ok? I just don't get it. I'm reading the bi polar 2 workbook Stephanie suggested. Maybe I'll find some answers in there. I just don't get it. If I'm bipolar 2 why do all these meds make me feel worse?? Sometimes I think I just need a straight up sleep med. Insomnia has always been my biggest struggle. The doctor said it's like the chicken and the egg scenario for people who are bi polar. You either have insomnia because you're hypomanic or insomnia causes episodes. Wtf. So frustrating.
Replies
It is frustrating. I had never been an outwardly aggressive person - I mean I would walk on eggshells rather than find myself amidst confrontation. And boy was I a bear last week to my hubby and son! I was a monster. A total and complete bitch. I also used to have my own house, job, cats, space, enjoyed parts of life, was organized and kept myself out of debt. Then Bipolar hits and the shit hits the fan. Now, my hubby and I have had to rebuild my credit and pay all my bills. That was almost 12 years ago. It didn\'t last long but it was a point of stability. I know the meds can make you feel worse at first, but sometimes our bodies get used to them fairly quickly. If it\'s making you that drowsy, make sure you take it at bedtime! (Which I assume you did). Hang in there, Reds!! ((((hugs))))
I\'m not saying you don\'t experience bipolar ll. I guess I thought that was a dx before POTS. What symptoms brought you to a psych\'s office? Your psych thinks your hypomania led to a physical collapse....
I\'m sorry Red :( Chronic illnesses are puzzles that take some time to understand. Sending hugs. Hope all goes well with the ophthalmologist.
Have you looked up the side effects for those meds? They might be causing some of your problems. If it sounds like it then ask your doc for a different kind. Gota be careful on some meds these days!
Btw, you don\'t drink diet soda do you??
Lynne