The stresses built up
Okay, so here's the story. Not excuses, just the facts - Things kind of built up for me last week - - - my husband's situation, moving at work, his chronic health issues, not knowing what the future will bring, going through this process of controlling my behavior, finding my true self,and lot of other stresses. It all hit the fan by the end of the week... I consciously agreed to go to meet a friend for lunch and it was at a casino. Anyway, the bottom line is that I did it and I'm owning up to it - the anniversary of my 4 months away from it. So - - - here's what I found. I am the same - a CG, the place was rather distasteful to me, not the excitement I used to feel. I still could not tear myself away from the machine... kept pressing the stupid button thinking the next time was going to bring a better, super result, only to find it didn't. up, down, on the roller coaster - - - winning at the end, but still losing overall. Regrets - not really because there I was at a point that for some reason I had to prove again that I can't handle that environment! Absolutely not. And - I sadly told my husband that I was there... he had a sad but knowing look in his eyes and I said - you know what I found out that life is so much better without gambling.. (we have been doing great for the four month period). He just kind of smiled and shook his head - he wasn't mad, he just knows me and has been loyal and supportive all the way through, though he has that look on his face of WHY?WHY? WHY would you have to go to those places??, that's because he in no way has that inclination, AT ALL. So thank goodness for that. :]
That's my story and today I'm actually being very productive; still have most of the $$ squirreled away from the four months, and I am alive and survived the relapse and hopefully the last one. .... it's a crazy crazy addiction. I'm so glad I have this site to vent my feelings. Thank you for understanding; I know we have all been there. On to another four months and more!! The next chapter....
Hugs,
Smokeygirl
That's my story and today I'm actually being very productive; still have most of the $$ squirreled away from the four months, and I am alive and survived the relapse and hopefully the last one. .... it's a crazy crazy addiction. I'm so glad I have this site to vent my feelings. Thank you for understanding; I know we have all been there. On to another four months and more!! The next chapter....
Hugs,
Smokeygirl
Replies
I actually feel really bad for you. I could say, which is first thing to mind, you knew you couldn\'t go into the lion\'s den or even close to it but that is what I tell self. I get invitations now and then to go and eat there and I just say NO WAY. I can\'t handle it. Last nite I told a friend, maybe I could walk through there now but.... I don\'t want to know the answer because the price is too much. I will assume that forever I can\'t do it and I am not curious if I can. So wonderful your spouse is supportive and though he probably hasn\'t been to GA meetings and doesn\'t know the power this addiction holds on us, he loves you and thats that. He believes you can do this because you did for four months. Like a baby taking first steps. Falls and we cheer when he gets up again.I still think you are the same sweet lady and this doesn\'t diminish you in any way. Just start counting again. hugs barb
Hi Barb,
Yes - I did know that I couldn\'t handle it and I proved myself right. Oh well. Thank you for the complement; I appreciate your support, and your honesty.
Thanks myfriend - and on to the next chapter. GF again!
Pat
It is so hard to truly understsnd that as a cg, it is just not possible to gamble in some nondestructive way. I don\'t know how many times I have quit gambling, thenwent back, thinking it would be different. Sometimes I managed a few sessions where I left with winnings or limited my losses....but for me, I always ended up returning to gambling everything I could get from the ATM after a visit or two. I hope you don\'t fall into the same trap because you won at the end! You have proved to yourself that you really can choose not to gamble...4 months is HUGE!!!!
Like artistic said, it is like walking into the lion\'s den...sooner or later going there will result in being eaten alive!!
Much love to you. Hang in there...you can choose freedom instead of the sad slavery to gambling. I know how it feels to want to escape from stress...but we both know that gambling is a trap thay can pull us under .
Big Hugs!!!!!
Dianne
Hi SG--- You know what??? I am SO SO Proud of you for going four months without gambling. I havent done that in YEARS. So... now you know that\'s its the same ole ballgame out there. That ballgame isnt fun like it used to be.. huh? Stand proud -- you are worthy of much!!!!
THank you guys - - -yes, it is a choice and the RIGHT one not to gamble - it just doesn\'t make sense but on another level as cg\'s it\'s always there. The answer is NO - I will not gamble today. It just wan\'t even fun... on to the next chapter. Thanks for all the support! I truly appreciate it. SG