The Story - Being Raped
Rape The First Time Pt.1:
I always liked to help in the nursery at the church despite that I was 11. It was fun and kept my out of trouble during the "big" service. But one day changed it so that I was numb to the world. During certin times of the year the nursrey closes down for a while. Well one of my "friends" said the nursery was open and to just wait cause she would be late. The guy was older than me by I believe 6-8 years? Anyway I was in the room sitting on the ground against one of the walls reading a poetry book. I had the lights off because there was plenty lights coming in the window. Next thing I know he came in shut the door which didnt fase me. He sat in the rocking chair that was near me and started talking "frisky" I didnt know much of what he was saying and was really deep into my poetry so I really didn't even pay too much attention. Next thing I know he grabs my chest and starts to fondle and says we can go into the bathroom and finish up. I froze up and shook my head no. I got up to go to the bathroom while I was washing my hands thats when he came in. He didnt say anything at first I fought hard but my voice was frozen enough that I only got whispering squeeks out. When he was able to overpower me enough to the floor all I could do was cry. I struggled hard before my body went limp. I didn't know what to do and felt hopeless, scared, confused, and alone. He threatend me and I listend to him about not telling anyone. I started cutting and tried to commit suicide that night and my life went in a spiral.
Unfortunatly this kid still went to the school I went to. I did get good grades up to that point. I remember the day my schooling days went down the drain. It was the day that class had let out for lunch for my grade level walking down the stairs I saw him and before I could turn around to walk away he motioned me to go down there. So being stupid I did he grabed me in for a hug and whisperd again in my ear what he would do if I didn't play along and introduced me to his gang of friends as "his bitch". From that point I walked as slow as I could. I was late to class, doing everything in my power to even avoid seeing the back of his head.
That journey did alot of damage. I was now cutting, trying to commit suicide, I started to shut down on everyone and just didn't like anything. My parents would yell at the top of their lungs about grades.Plus having a father with an addiction that turn him angry, didn't help anything else.
I always liked to help in the nursery at the church despite that I was 11. It was fun and kept my out of trouble during the "big" service. But one day changed it so that I was numb to the world. During certin times of the year the nursrey closes down for a while. Well one of my "friends" said the nursery was open and to just wait cause she would be late. The guy was older than me by I believe 6-8 years? Anyway I was in the room sitting on the ground against one of the walls reading a poetry book. I had the lights off because there was plenty lights coming in the window. Next thing I know he came in shut the door which didnt fase me. He sat in the rocking chair that was near me and started talking "frisky" I didnt know much of what he was saying and was really deep into my poetry so I really didn't even pay too much attention. Next thing I know he grabs my chest and starts to fondle and says we can go into the bathroom and finish up. I froze up and shook my head no. I got up to go to the bathroom while I was washing my hands thats when he came in. He didnt say anything at first I fought hard but my voice was frozen enough that I only got whispering squeeks out. When he was able to overpower me enough to the floor all I could do was cry. I struggled hard before my body went limp. I didn't know what to do and felt hopeless, scared, confused, and alone. He threatend me and I listend to him about not telling anyone. I started cutting and tried to commit suicide that night and my life went in a spiral.
Unfortunatly this kid still went to the school I went to. I did get good grades up to that point. I remember the day my schooling days went down the drain. It was the day that class had let out for lunch for my grade level walking down the stairs I saw him and before I could turn around to walk away he motioned me to go down there. So being stupid I did he grabed me in for a hug and whisperd again in my ear what he would do if I didn't play along and introduced me to his gang of friends as "his bitch". From that point I walked as slow as I could. I was late to class, doing everything in my power to even avoid seeing the back of his head.
That journey did alot of damage. I was now cutting, trying to commit suicide, I started to shut down on everyone and just didn't like anything. My parents would yell at the top of their lungs about grades.Plus having a father with an addiction that turn him angry, didn't help anything else.
Replies
Oh sweetheart this breaks my heart to hear how there are such bad people in the world that can create such damage to others. I would never say that this is something that will make you stronger. NO ONE should ever have their youth, dignity, and soul taken from them. You need more than a hugs, you need to regain what was once taken. It will take a long time but, I am sure you will find a piece of it. Hold dear to it sweetheart. It takes a lot to even say it out loud and I am very very proud.
same as above. I can\'t believe things like that could happen, thanks for sharing. I bet it hasn\'t been easy for you.
When I was 15 I was raped by a guy I used to \"date\" (meet at he show, etc.) My dad hired him to help remodel the oue. One day I was sleeping on the couch. No one was home and I had fallen asleep. I woke up in the midst of the rape. Unfortunately I was a sound sleeper up until that day (certainly not after). I won\'t go into the details. I tried to tell my mother that day. But I was embarrassed & all I could say wws that he had gotten fresh with me. All my mom said was, \"all men are that way.\" And I just couldn\'t get the words out after that. Then when I went to school the next day.. I found that he had told everyone and not the way it actually happened.. Then when I tried to deny it was consensual that\'s when I heard all the remarks about \" not being able to thread the moving eye of a needle.\" Then I guess my father heard about it all and said accusingly, \"I heard all about you and (?) \" My relationship changed after that with my dad. Things were never the same. And I had a rep at school. I never had counseling..I don\'t think they had any thing like that back then..I think I still have \'trust issues\'. I still have trouble sleeping at night. I would definitely recommend you go to consoling for your rape. i don\'t care how long ago it happened. If it is still bothering you because they have ways of dealing with the issue they could teach you so you could learn to cope with it. And maybe work around the trust issues. I will send you an invite to Over The Fence, a group I founded here on DS this Summer. If you can\'t sleep it will give you something else to do to take your mind off of things. Mean while, if you ever want to talk, you know where I am ~ Just a click away!
NDY
I\'m extremely saddened by this however, I hope that this has been cathartic for you. It\'s better to get it out, than let it fester inside. Don\'t let it hollow you out, there\'s still good in the world. Someday it will find you.
I\'m sorry you experienced this. I\'m praying for you.
It\'s such a shame that these predators think they can find victims more easily at church because people there are so trusting. Churches have to do background checks on everyone who works anywhere near the children now just to protect them.
God bless you and best wishes for healing from your pain and suffering.