The storm

I thought I could hold off to go see my doctor about my bipolar he is not in the office this month so I would move my apt from April to March. I don't think I can hold off any longer since I've been with him for 5 years I don't want to switch doctor's im cutting myself trying to find ways to just hurt myself to match what I feel inside. I keep wondering what it will be like to take a knife and slit it across my wrist just to watch myself to bleed to feel the pain. I'm trying my hardest to hold on but I don't know how much longer I can.