The Same Thing.

I feel like alot of my journals have been just me ranting about the same thing. How difficult of a time I'm having with my depression or anxiety problems. I don't even know if typing this out is making it any better. I feel the same afterwards anyway. I feel like nothing is gonna help me. I have no money to pay for help and what I've been doing to help myself has made me 2% better than I used to be.
But, I'm tired of not being able to have a nice time with my friends, family and my boyfriend because of this. It just makes me hate myself even more everyday because I don't know what's causing all of this.
So, maybe my brain is just really fucked up and I can't do anything about it to get better. I've been trying to cope with this myself and I just can't. People keep telling me to try harder and I've been trying my hardest for years now. The only way I can get further help is with money. But, I most likely won't be getting much money for a while.
I'm only 21 years old and I've been struggling with this depression problem for a long time now. I'm getting really sick and tired of having to deal with this and have been doing my best to deal with this. But, I feel like something is gonna happen and my brain is just gonna shutdown and I'll black out because my body will give up on itself.
I have other issues too and this depression problem isn't making it better. I feel like there's nothing else that I can do to help myself.